Does anyone get annoyed by filling out job applications? Well, umm, yes? No? Well guess what, this guy writing this article absolutely does. Job applications ask an unbeatable, unmeasurable, unnecessary amount of questions that disgust me more than septa's fabric seating on their un-timely beautifully designed and uniformed busses driven by insolent ignorant overpaid bus drivers.
When I fill out these applications, I give them my entire job-history, all for what? 12-15$ per hour, sometimes it's under minimum wage with the promise of decent tips by supposed generous customers. P.S. I'm a college graduate, yea, I know. So Yea, I'm suppose to be thankful for this wonderful job opportunity in this new world, in this new economy. Please, you gotta a better chance of a liberal not getting pissed for not addressing them in "pronoun" form.
So. What are some of the questions? I take it you guys already know if you are constantly on the atlas of job searching. Here goes, what is your current residence? Cool. Check. Next: how long have you lived there? Okay, apparently this is important, so, 6 years. Check. Done. Next question: Have you lived at any other addresses in the last 7 years. Motherfcker! I was one year shy of dodging this question. Okay. Name previous address. Next question . . . When did you move out from this address? Fck! Sht! MotherFucer!!! I wasn't even sure if I lived at this address for 6 years, do you think I write this sh*t down sir?! Miss?! Shit, gender pronouns always get me. It??
Okay, Okay, Okay, I am moving out today, on the date of 5/15/2017 7:31pm, grabbed last piece of personal property and loaded into scooby van, and was happily on my way to my new apartment. Jotted and recorded in my personal diary.
Ummm, NO! Never did that, who does?
I mean come on, even hiring dates are asked, like Bitch, I don't remember when TF I was hired. I been with this company for 5 years. And technically speaking, I left once and came back, so now I have two hiring dates.
What's next, the size of my di%k?! Is all this information absolutely necessary to determine whether or not I am suitable and well equipped employee candidate to stock your shelves, work a cash register, serve BOOZE, wait tables. I mean c'mon already with this nonsense. Hire me, don't hire me already. Fuck off with your narcissistic screening process already.
Next question: ohhhh no. So, I don't remember my manager's last name, and I don't have his fuc*ing number. Personally, I didn't like the guy, he was an asshole.
Oh, and the timed personality test that you're required to take. That's even better. 60 pointless fucking questions like: Do you believe your character is worth more than the outcome? Okay, let me ponder that one. I guess you want me to "strongly agree" on that one, right? IdFk. Suppose the outcome of whatever TF it is you're referencing is for the better of the entire team and the company as well? Or, maybe that's not what you're referring to. Maybe you are asking if my "Character" is worth more than the outcome of being employed by your shitty company that underpays college graduates with over 10 years management experience; like me, and just people in general.
We live in an era where the shittiest jobs created by the shittiest corporations want to "FRAT" you in a job position that gives you nothing in return for the grueling gauntlet you have to endure just to create the illusion that you "made it", yes, you are now one of us, for $8.25 per hour with the possibility of a 401K you'll never begin because how the fuck can you begin to make any respectable contributions to your future when your paycheck barely gets you by in life with 3-4 roommates that you graduated college with; and yes, you are all still living with each other, paying off your never ending student loan debt that you probably defaulted on by now. This is pretty much wage-slavery, this is indentured servitude.
Next question: Name 3 references, whom we can contact, that have relation to you, friend-wise, family-wise, and you never worked with, that would say something good about you.
My answer: you've got to be fucking kidding me. Umm, IDK, Denise the stripper, I tip her well for her lap-dances, she's pretty awesome. But, I dOn't have her contact info. I mean. C'mon, who the fuck can I contact? How do I handle this riddle of life?!
I mean, seriously, should I google my old college professors? All this for even $15/hr is a ruthless pain in the ass.
Enough for today,
Sincerely,
Liberal Joe. (He-he-he-he-he)