Yuan is fully charged.
Maggie tolerates her crazy hooman fae taking her photo, but won't look at the camera long enough to catch it.
Hi Steem fam, how are y'all today? I am down in the dumps. I have been spending the last few days with creative spiritual pursuits, but also crazy stressed about money. I have three months of electric bill to catch up on, and am running very low on food, and I do not know how I'm going to pay for either. I think I'm going to have to power down for the first time since I've been on Steem, which sucks because I view my Steem power as a long-term plan to escape this viscous hand-to-mouth poverty someday. If I sell it all and it moons, I'm still poor. :(
It feels like my mental capacity? Neurological health? Brain fog? Is getting way worse. This morning I spontaneously started sobbing because thinking of all the doctors I've begged for help who utterly blew me off crossed my mind. Doctors don't care about helping people. I don't know why they are doctors other than prestige and a paycheck.
And no - do not tell me about your favorite herb or diet or The Secret. Do not do that to any chronically ill person. I promise we have researched our symptoms and ANY possible remedy MUCH more thoroughly than you have. NTM, you do not know all their circumstances that may contraindicate your remedy. If someone asks - you're good. But please don't make people feel worse or obligated to give every stranger on the internet a full medical history. We don't have the energy to do that labor for everyone who demands it.
I am grumpy and disheartened and sick, and it's not for lack of trying to get better. You cannot ward off disease by blaming sick people for not being how you think is best.
Train of thought break - am I the only person who takes the time to unclog the glue bottle and then marvel at the lump of goo?
I just super hate being alive and I'm in pain and feel hopeless. Maybe somehow all my magick will kick in and life will be grand soon, but 40+ years of life experience says things get worse more often than they get better.
I've done a LOT of things to try and make things better - physically, psychologically, financially - and it just feels like an exercise in futility. I've done the conventional advice and the alternative advice. Ironically, depressed though I am, I'm better now psychologically than I used to be - pretty much all my anxiety reactions (except the bug phobia... ) are gone. And I used to have a lot of them.
Unless, you know, I'm not anxious anymore because that's the part of my brain that fried. Who knows?
So yeah, that's about where I'm at today. I hope your day is better.
On a happier side note, the wind is gusting through the open window and rattling my tambourine across the room. :)
Stay strong, Steem fam.