So. Yeah. Being a 50-something widow who wants to date in this day and age is not all that easy. At least it is a lot harder than I ever thought it could be to meet someone halfway decent. I never had a problem finding a boyfriend when I was younger. Meeting someone in my thirties turned out to be quite good too ;-) Lasted twenty years, after all!
Our Wedding Day - September 15, 2002 (So we got married 7 years and 3 children after we met...)
You see, before and after Mick died in December, 2014, I was catering full-time from my kitchen at home. I was in the middle of making gift baskets for his clients as well as gingerbread cookie "Christmas Cards" when he had his heart attack. Though his partner, Armen, offered to deliver any baskets I had completed (I was making them as he needed them), I just couldn't bring myself to do them. I picked up the elements - all home-made goodies) and would start to cry.
Oy... I have digressed. Apologies, Steemians! Where was I? Oh yes. I am now a widow, with two adolescents in my home and basically my fridge and stove for company during the day. I cook for clients - making family-style meals - I won't torment you with pictures of those... or will I?
Fast forward to six months or so and I am starting to go stir-crazy. I loved my husband, I missed him like crazy but I was also very much alive and young (50 might seem like it's not young for you twenty-somethings, but we'll talk about that when YOU reach your fifties...) Now what? All my friends were in couples and other than one night where I went dancing (and discovered that I am apparently still attractive enough) there was nothing going on. How to meet people when your job is in your home?
Go to bars alone? Non, merci.
Join some activity doohicky? Ever seen the ages of some of the participants in a photo club, for example?
Be introduced to someone by your friends? I'm still waiting.
Meet that guy in the grocery store? Only happens in movies.
So what were my options? Twenty years earlier, I had met Mick on the now defunct Tele-Personals. This was way back when (in 1995) when only computer nerds had the Internet so it was all done on the phone.
Should you want to read that story, you can check out my blog post over on A Dalectable Life at https://adelectablelife.com/2015/06/25/it-all-started-with-a-phone-call/ If I am allowed to, I can share some of my posts from that forum over here.
So jump ahead 20 years later and we now have the Internet and an UN-FRIGGEN BELIEVABLE amount of on-line dating sites.
Well it worked before... right?
Oh. Em. Gee.
It is now one year later and I have jumped off and on various sites. Lemme give you the low-down, shall I?
Match.com - This attracts the letter-writers. They come from all over the place and want to "get to know you" in letter form. Oh no, we cannot meet in person just yet! Are you crazy? No, no, let me waste your time. Weeks, sometimes MONTHS before I slowly do the ghost thing and disappear...
OK. I did meet one guy who was nice and all but he was a heavy smoker (said he only did occasionally) was a trucker so was never around and Type-2 diabetic who never checked his sugar levels and ate the unhealthiest options there were. I had already buried one husband, I was sure and hell not going to hook up with some self-destructive guy. Next.
I kid you not, my friends, I texted, emailed, spoke to one many times but met not a single other guy from this site.
I went on Zoosk. Hate their whole website. Kudos to my buddy Karen for finding the love of her life on this one. I chatted with one who let me know that any time I was willing to drive 1.5 hours to meet him for sex, he was open to it. Alrighty then. Next.
Tinder. Well everyone knows about Tinder and I shall not lie. I had me some fun. Was not expecting to meet my "Prince Charming" - term I use in jest - and that's okay because that's where I was at the time. Now, however, I want more. While I have met some really nice guys and have remained friends with a few of them, obviously, as I'm still looking, none have had any staying power, so to speak.
Réseau Contact is like a French Match.com based in Quebec. Not only does it bring the letter-writers, it also brings the unilingual Francophones, which should not be a problem as I am perfectly bilingual. After having dated one for almost two months, and being forced to watch French-dubbed American movies, I realised this is a problem. I just can't.
Now if you are still with me... And I realise this is way longer than I originally planned, the best part of this dating app crap? The boring, repetitive questions:
What are you looking for on this site?
What kind of man do you want?
What are your characteristics?
Why does height matter to you?
- To this I say, I know, it shouldn't, but it does. I am 5'9" you are 5'3" Yes, you think Amazons are sexy. Well, guess what? I think that men I don't tower over or outweigh are sexy.
Oh and, small note to you guys out there? For most of us women - no, right, I should not generalise nor assume. I'll speak for myself. Once we have exchanged our phone numbers? This does not give you permission to send me a picture of your junk. Just so you know, I have never met the face that goes with the junk. Somehow what you think will turn me on? It doesn't.
