I remember that day, I had a strange dream…I was in the house of a millionare, I was walking up stairs when I saw a very beautiful women tell me to come in. I enter the office and I sit there in front of that rich, wealthy and well dressed man. And I remember he asked me ¿What is your secret? I then I said, it is the bible…And then he answer kind of annoying so the bible, the bible…he took the book and walk towards the window. While he was holding the book, he tried to throw it you’re the window but he could not. Then, he got really angry and suddently the book started to burn, an eye in the cover started to appear. I was an eye in the bible. Then the beautiful woman started to tell me… get out, get out…(I do not remember if it was me running away or she telling me) Anyway I walk away, at that moment I felt really really realise… but with time I got a little bit embarrass of running away and I got really really curious of what happened in that room.
At the moment I left the room, I closed the door behind me and I heart a huge explosion.I went down the stairs and I came out of the house…I saw the luxury cars parked in the garage and the beach at the other side. I continue to walk towards the beach and then I woke up.
I am dating a 35 years old, she is just using me to have fun and I would like to say that me too, but it is not that way, I getting really really scare of what is happening I think that the harder I approach the saver I would be…but the fear is always there. I am always scare that this girl is not going to fuck with me anymore…I am always scare that this woman is not going to go out with me anymore.
I am finding very very difficult to date new girls…All of them are telling me bullshit, excuses and playing along with me. And I know, I am playing a** LOSER** game, because I only got a rush when a girl gives me her phone. I am getting quite scare of what a fuck is going to happen in Madrid, since Fatima is not giving any fucks about me, and Carlos will not even write my name down in his agenda. I order to grow I lost many many things, but I will do it again anyway. I am just running away from fear, fear of being alone, but at the same time I enjoy the process of meeting new women, that they are not answer to me. After the old woman flaws my self-confidence went spiral down. I feel like I do not really want to take all the effort to fuck a chick. I do not want it, Sometime I feel like it is easier to fuck a bitch. I have thought it very very much…But I think my very deep Christian morality do not allow me…..yet. Who knows? Maybe one day. I am being needy ones more. Yesterday, I saw how Ann does not give too many fucks about “our” relationship. That is good to know. I felt like a loser when Franco did not send me any message when I gave him my number…Arturo has spoken me only to promote his brand. And the other Arturo is going to slave me in exchange of work. Very very good friends. Come on man, be real you are quite alone and that is not important, you better get a good purpose.
I do not know how to stick with something…I will not finish a fucking book in my entire life, I know that is one of my worst defects. I do not finish a fucking shit. I need God help to finish something.
by YagitoYago
