Hello, fellow Hivers!
What an amazing day it has been since I have written my first blog post here. Thank you all for giving me such a warm welcome!
It's heartwarming to know that this community really shows its appreciation when you show up and share..
Today, I would like to share a story about making connections.
Synchronicity
One connection I have made is with @thatkidsblack. What an awesome guy! Very down to earth, knowledgeable and a wonderful human being! He's the one that got me here in the first place.
Our paths aligned when we started connecting in the $TURBO community, and once we started talking privately, things just grew naturally at a very fast pace.
We discovered a lot of common ground between us, how we approach life, our ethics, our desire to become independent, and our philosophies are very much in sync! It's amazing how the internet enables us to make meaningful connections with people across the globe.
Through him, I got introduced to @rubencress, and yesterday, we talked for the first time on an impromptu spaces I hosted on Twitter. What started out as a casual conversation quickly turned into quite a meaningful philosophical exchange of thoughts and ideas. Ruben, like myself, is from the Netherlands, and isn't it amazing that we made a connection through a guy from Massachusetts?
What a ride!
We started talking about crypto and hive at first but in no time we were talking about our personal journeys, the ups and downs of life and how it has affected us, the overlap of insights we had gained over the course of our lives was quite astonishing and we discovered that we had many commonalities!
We talked about the "system", music, frequencies, shamanic experiences, depression and personal growth. I am truly grateful for meeting him in such a profound way and between the three of us we discovered that we were in agreement of just about everything we discussed.
The flow of conversation we found ourselves in was very touching, insightful and down right fun!
When Synchronicity finds you things just go effortless and this was such a tangible experience!
Gratitude
I am very grateful indeed! Ever since I started reconnecting with people through Twitter, Discord and now Hive it has reinvigorated me and given me a renewed sense of hope after a years long depression where I had lost my faith in myself, people and society.
I am creative once again, sharing my thoughts, my experiences and my art. I am even considering getting back to making music again.
For years I have felt utter desolation and had lost my way. I had abandoned all hope of ever getting back on my feet, of ever making any meaningful connections again...
Spiritual teacher
My road back to self discovery started on the 5th of May. It was my sons birthday and he had a friend he made online who was from a neighboring country, a six hour drive away. We had arranged for this friend and his mother to come visit us and it turned out that she was a spiritual guide of sorts. She helped people to get back in touch with themselves.
After the ice was broken we started talking about the harsh times our family had experienced and how disconnected we had become.. It was a very emotional day indeed. For the first time in years I cried again, releasing some deep seated sorrow, guilt and pain that I had been carrying with me for so long. And although I still have a long way to go, this had created a large enough opening for me to take my first steps to start healing again.
Baby steps
I am still wobbly, having good days and bad days. But I realize this is how it has to go. Only when we stand on the precipice are we willing to change and for someone who has been stuck in his ways for so long, this definitely applies to me.
Although I seem to write all of this with ease, fear still rears it's ugly head though, regularly I am doubting myself, wondering if I deserve it to be in touch with all of you, asking myself if I am worth it...
Somewhere inside myself I know I am worthy but it feels like a voice in the distance who's echo i can barely hear, yet, the way people here and elsewhere have responded has made that voice a bit more audible. Thank you so much..
Resistance
In the other community I have also shared parts of my story, both the good and the bad. Like i mentioned in my first post, I had made a couple of bad decisions financially and my employer screwed me over on top of that. It has resulted in not being able to pay the rent and I am now 2 weeks overdue. My landlord lives next door so you can imagine the tension this creates.
She wants it by the end of today, or else..
In my other community I have been open about my situation, myself and a few others have been diligently working for 2 months to uplift and promote the project and we felt that anyone, I reiterate, anyone who puts so much time and effort in deserves at least some kind of compensation so we started to set up a structure to make this possible and although this could possibly benefit our team it was in no way a selfish effort. We truly wished to set up a reward system for the entire community, ourselves included.
I had been just as candid as I am here and one individual who shall remain anonymous took it upon himself to attack this proposal, he has been offensive, insulting and has openly called me a grifter and a predator. He called me out on trying to sell my first nft by only tagging big names in the art community and showing bias to whom I promoted or gave my attention. Not taking into account, that we all have our preferences, likes and dislikes. These big names btw, mentioned they were willing to support new upcoming artists, so i gave it a go, despite my insecurities and self doubt.
You might be able to understand that when you're in such a fragile and vulnerable state, that when someone accuses you of such things this hits very hard and only makes one doubt one's self even more.
Luckily, others showed their support and came to my defense. Although I am still in the same predicament this support did help strengthen my resolve to keep on fighting for this community and my position within it, as the vast majority does want to continue building with me.
Conclusion
When you wish to bring a light back into yourself and the world, the darkness always tries to throw you off course, to test your resolve and to challenge your beliefs and convictions. It holds up a mirror to be gazed upon and it's up to us to face this darkness as it is merely a reflection to show us which parts of ourselves require our attention, our love and how to heal ourselves. I don't have the answers. Yet.. I am still figuring out what the experiences I had when meeting this resistance have to teach me but I do know that it is asking me to step out of the shadow and into the light, to stop hiding and lay myself bare for all to see.. for I have kept myself hidden long enough.
As the ancient Mayans used to say: "In La'Kech", "I am another you" and only by being open, transparent and loving can we see the true reflections that we are to each other for what they indeed truly are, which is beautiful..
Thank you for willing to read my story once again. You are helping me conquer my fears, and for this, I am eternally grateful!