I am in a very bad mood today. I don't think I can be funny if I tried, the way I feel now. Well here's my entry for Comedy Open Mic round 16
ACT ONE, SCENE ONE
Fade in
Somewhere on Discord. It is late, network is bad and battery is low. A ping; a new message.
Steemingnaija: Good evening sir
Warpedpoetic: Don't call me sir, it makes me feel old.
silence
Steemingnaija: Okay, I want you to check out my post and upvote me. I will upvote you back.
Warpedpoetic: I don't want you to do anything to my back. I like my back just the way it is.
Steemingnaija: lol. You are funny.
Warpedpoetic: No I am not. I am warpedpoetic. My name is there in front of you. Do you need glasses?
Steemingnaija: No... I mean you make me laugh.
Warpedpoetic: Well English is my second language so I do not get meanings. Maybe if you said it instead of meaning it, I will get it.
silence
Steemingnaija: Will you upvote me?
Warpedpoetic: I will look at Me's account and if Me writes good stuff, I will do the needful.
Steemingnaija: lol. Thank you. Should I drop my link?
Warpedpoetic: link to what?
Steemingnaija: To my posts?
Warpedpoetic: How many posts am I supposed to look at. There's Me and now we have My. Make up your mind bro.
Steemingnaija: No, I mean the post I want you to check out for me.
Warpedpoetic: oh Me's post. That's fine. Drop it please. Why did you not just say so instead of bringing My into the matter?
Steemingnaija: jeez, you're weird and funny. Lol
Warpedpoetic: So I am warpedpoetic, weird and funny right? You just stated that I have multiple personalities? You don't even know me. 😖
Steemingnaija: No I meant that the way you chat is weird and it is also funny.
Warpedpoetic: I have different chatting styles?🤔
Steemingnaija: No, I am not saying that.
Warpedpoetic: What are you saying then?
silence
Steemingnaija: Where are you from?
Warpedpoetic: I don't know where they are from? Why don't you ask them?
Steemingnaija: God!
Warpedpoetic: You want to ask him too? That's even better.
Steemingnaija: I don't know what to say.
Warpedpoetic: I understand. People get like that around me.
Steemingnaija: Are you always like this?
Warpedpoetic: Only when I am irritated and hungry.
Steemingnaija: Wow! You should go and eat then.
Warpedpoetic: I find that statement reprehensible, caustic, insulting, preposterous, thoughtless, upsetting and etcetera etcetera...
Steemingnaija: What did I say?
Warpedpoetic: You just told me that I do not know when to eat. Are you my father or mother? I reject that fallacy, I find your actions unacceptable and a taint on my image as someone who eats when he is hungry.
silence
Steemingnaija: I don't understand.
Warpedpoetic: They never do.
Steemingnaija: I am sorry if I have offended you.
Warpedpoetic: well that's good for You then. You will be happy for your apology while I, the malcontented party, the falsely accused,the victim of man's verbosity will slink home broken.
silence
Warpedpoetic: hehehehe, don't mind me bro, I will check out the post. But don't slide into people's dm like this again.
Steemingnaija: lol, I won't do so again sir. Thank you sir.
Warpedpoetic: Sir has died. It is just me remaining in the family. I have got to go. Stay safe.
Fade out.
Most times, they still come back again. Humans are weird and funny, they never learn.