If you’ve ever found yourself watching innocent civilians being brutally murdered to death by decapitation or “head crushed by large rock,” and thought to yourself, “I bet some drunk Australian would be funnier than this,” there is now scientific evidence to prove it.
Two professors at the University of Northsouthern Eastville have concluded a seventy-three year comparative-humor study examining the level of humor found on various social media websites.
“We started this by examining humorous content on Friendster during the Vietnam War, and it just grew from there,” said Doctor B.A. Culum, an expert in sociolinguistic tuba studies. “Contrary to expectations, we found that people were actually laughing more at barely intelligible jokes about cryptocurrency than at videos of ethnic minorities having their intestines ripped out during industrial accidents.”
We asked Cameron Winkelvoss, the founder of Facebook, what he takes away from this study.
“I don’t think it tells us anything we didn’t already know,” said Winkelvoss. “Look at how many fans Bob Saget lost when he started posting homemade videos of himself slowly thrusting rusty knives into the hearts of rival drug cartel enforcers. Sure, it’s still funny. But not on the same level as his dick jokes.”
The study’s co-author, Professor F. Lashing-Hunt, Ph.D and renowned expert in Phrenology, showed us some of the content which was used for comparisons.
“So here is a barely comprehensible Steemit post by some guy who seems to think he’s an expert Investor,” said Hunt, pointing at a chart with numbered multicolored triangles. “He calls—” Hunt began to say before pausing to laugh uncontrollably. “Sorry...excuse me...He calls price movements ‘orgasmic’ and says his barely intelligible English is—he says it’s Quantum Mechanics!” Hunt paused again as he struggled to catch his breath and talk through the deep guffaws and tears. “And—and...he didn’t...he didn’t even list it under the ‘funny’ tag!”
Only a short time after our interview, we were informed that Hunt continued laughing for another hour, until his untimely death of a massive heart attack triggered by laughing-caused-asphyxiation.”
Interestingly enough, Dr. Culum says that because Hunt was filmed laughing to death while viewing Steemit, his demise has a silver lining.
“This is the first known piece of raw-data to record an individual both laughing at Steemit content while concurrently dying a gruesome death.”
As of the time this article was sent to print, the video of Hunt’s death had received over five-hundred comments on subreddit /r/WatchPeopleDie.
“It’s no ‘ISIS tank crushing man causing splash of viscera’ was so much funnier, but this ok,” said Reddit user /u/NeverFullyHappy.
“Who invited this guy?” responded user /u/OverusedSnark.
The thirty-ninth comment on the thread was a post by username /u/ProcrastinationNation which cryptically said, “First.”
Although the post was popular, it continued to fall behind in upvotes after both “Old Man Hit Repeatedly in Face With Cannonball,” and “Drunk Guy Drowns in Soup.”
Perhaps brutal and horrific deaths aren’t so unfunny after-all.