Ugh... One symptom I forgot to mention that I can get with my heart pains is headaches. And even when they don't hurt that badly, it's harder for me to think straight... or at least to recall words.
Aaaand given that I've heard that it is possible for heart problems to lead to gradual brain damage... it's hard for me not to worry at least a little... 😂
So... yeah. Another reason I want to get my ideas out there before there maybe becomes a day when I can't. 😓 Because DANGIT! Cognitive independence is pretty high on the list of things I value... 😭
This said, something I was thinking about this morning: when I want to express an idea, thought, or whatever, the more important it is to me, the more terrified I am of seeing what kind of response it may receive (if any). 😅
...Because I'm used to it being that right when I feel comfortable enough to express the stuff that's more important to me, or frustrated enough not to hold back, or just manage to gather my courage and give it a try anyway... is usually when I'm attacked the hardest, or possibly when things get the most awkward, no matter where I go. 😞
I've mentioned before that I'm an INTP. In theory, one of the reasons why INTPs exist is to sort of fact-check society: we combine a tendency to look over information with errors with an ability to consider different ideas. Heck, I know that, at least for me personally, I tend to be drawn more to the ideas that are less popular.
Problem is, less-popular ideas, by definition, are kind of unpopular. The guy who proposed that it might be the Earth that revolves around the sun and not vice-versa? He was actually put in jail for it, with the release condition being to renounce the idea. 😬 And sadly, he did. 😔 It wasn't until others started examining the idea and figuring out more of the details that the idea started to catch on.
And if I recall correctly, he's suspected to have been an INTP.
But yeah, part of the thing is that virtually no one wants to be told there might be issues with their ideas and whatnot.
...And that, in of itself, is kind of a problem. Because if ideas never get reexamined, people - whether individuals, or even entire societies - tend to get stuck, barring their own progression without realizing it. 😨
And I think one major step in preventing that is to mentally separate ideas from identities.
I've heard that INTPs tend to do this intrinsically: knowing that a person is not their opinions. Just because a person holds one stupid opinion does not make them altogether stupid. So while we may sometimes reject opinions, we're not necessarily rejecting the people with those opinions, and may be confused when they accuse us as inferring such.
On the flipside, however, and sort of paradoxically, I've heard it said that INTPs tend to be REALLY concerned about the reputation of our thoughts, opinions, and I'd personally say especially our manner of thinking. I know I've been REALLY hurt when people have attacked me for opinions and stuff I've expressed. 😞
That said, maybe that's because the average person doesn't distinguish between a person and their opinions: maybe INTPs don't dislike people for having certain ideas, but most everyone else certainly does... And strange as it may sound, relationships are deeply important to us. So any time I'm treated that way, it REALLY hurts... 😭
But yeah, I don't hate someone just for having an opinion I disagree with. If anything, it's being lazy with the thought processes that I hate. 😅 E.g. simply following everything a "thought leader" says - even a good one - without examining the details even a little. (Everyone makes mistakes, including the best of us.) Never reexamining why one's own beliefs and the reasons they hold them. And especially, stubbornly holding onto an opinion, and defending it without examining it first, even a little... maybe with the reason why being "Because this person said so!" 😑
...Or in other words, "ipse dixit." Which I'm just discovering is a term for the logical fallacy of "an unsupported dogmatic assertion" - because I looked it up for spelling reasons, and the definition came up. 😁 (And while I'm not happy with Wikipedia for certain stances they've decided to take, I'll admit the little blurb that came up is also pretty great, noting that it's a way of distorting an argument by opting out of it. 😉)
I can't speak for everyone, or even all INTPs. But at least for me, when I present a different idea, my hope is usually that the others will consider the information and reevaluate. Even if I agree with them, I may try to encourage that by "playing devil's advocate." (Though I think that name may do the behavior a disservice, in a number of ways.) Heck, I've often pretended I didn't understand what someone said in order to make a point... though I don't do it as much lately because it's often been interpreted as actually not understanding, and thus gotten me yelled at for "being stupid." 😒
Buuut instead of it leading to thoughtful discussion, I mostly just remember getting yelled at (or shot down, or - maybe less often - ignored) for virtually any disagreement in opinion, no matter how polite I was, or otherwise how I approached the situation, with few exceptions - and they really seem like exceptions. It doesn't seem to matter whether it's about something traditionally controversial, something like how to reorganize information on a game wiki (actual example), or something like whether it would be good to see if my heart issues are an actual health thing ASAP, and not insane to acknowledge even a slim chance that it's not just anxiety. 😑
...*cough*
Anyway, over time, I also noticed it wasn't just me: others were doing this to each-other. And fairly recently (like, a few months ago or so), I ran into the term "culture wars," which goes to show how badly spread this issue is. 😞
So... yeah. Along with fact checking society, I think another reasons why INTPs might exist is to help encourage others learn to fact-check themselves.
And let me tell you: it seems to be to have long been something that's far too lacking. I know I wasn't taught it, by anyone. Even my parents who have said to value knowing how to think over "what" to think would generally teach me conclusions, rather than thought processes. Even if I was taught a thought process, it was an already existing thought process - there was no information on how to come up with something like that for myself.
I had to basically learn how to do it on my own, with nobody's help except - at least it seemed to me - God's. In fact, I think the relative isolation was sort of a necessary step in the process: by not involving others' input, I also ended up blocking out their dogmas and assumptions that they didn't even realize were such. I learned to examine the ideas, myself, without interference from outside "noise."
And as I did, I ended up discovering that a lot of deeply-held beliefs, however small, would often hold me back from learning to think independently. It was like a lot of these little ideas became a sort of unconscious programming that I followed without realizing. As I removed these programs, it was also like a fog began to lift from my brain that I didn't realize was there, and I could think more clearly and independently - actually making decisions, and doing less acting on trained responses.
...and one thing about these headaches is it sometimes feels like a bit of the fog comes back. 😔
But yeah, even if I decided an idea was true after all - if maybe I looked at it from a different angle than I originally thought it meant - I found myself glad that I decided so because I examined the idea, not because someone told me it was right. 😄
...And I just want to be able to express my way of examining things, and/or my conclusions, without being attacked for it. Or being told I'm "not getting it" because I disagree with someone's opinion that I used to agree with, but have since reexamined. 😒 (Incidentally, to anyone it may apply to, good luck getting me to revert. You're gonna need a VERY solid argument - one better than the one I believed in before. 😑)
...And actually, what I mentioned above is basically what I want for everyone.
To me, a "safe space" isn't a location where certain thoughts and ideas are forbidden. If anything, those kinds of places are where I feel the LEAST safe, because (if nothing else) it discourages reexamination of ideas... even if the ideas being upheld are ones I otherwise agree with. 😬
To me, a true safe space is one where people can bring up their ideas, and discuss them civilly, without anyone attacking each-other. THAT'S the kind of space - no, society - that I want to try to encourage to exist. 😌
And while I appreciate the idea of free speech, I've noticed a pattern where a LOT of people, of basically any group, seem to want to use it just want to yell about their opinions, and not listen to others very much. Possibly because they feel like they've had to conform before, or something. Or just because they feel like they have to "fight" for certain ideas (possibly just because they've been told to do so 😓), and they think that means in a violent sense. 😬
In any case, I don't believe that just speaking one's mind is enough. I think if we want people to be able to speak, and if we want to be listened to, then we also need to be willing to listen, ourselves.
Not that I claim to be an expert on that... but I like to think I've at least improved a lot in more-recent years. 😅
In any case, I basically think that the golden rule applies an awful lot here:
If you want to be listened to, then listen.
If you want your ideas to be considered and others to reexamine theirs, then consider others' ideas and reexamine your own, even if just as an exercise.
If you want others to consider even the faintest possibility that they might be wrong, then hold tightly onto the idea that you might be wrong about something - and you never really know what. Heck, I suggest making it into a mantra: "I could be wrong." (Even if you have to precede it with something like "I don't think so, but...")
Heck, if you don't want others to try and rush to prove you wrong... then don't rush to prove others wrong, either. Heck, instead, try asking them why they believe what they do. Make the conversation about the reasons for beliefs, rather than the beliefs themselves. 😉
...Or at least, do the best you can, given your circumstances. 😅 I already mentioned how I have trouble leaving myself open to responses to my most deeply-held beliefs and such. It makes it difficult to keep an exchange going... assuming I can even get one started in the first place. 😓
For now, I'm basically just throwing these kinds of thoughts and ideas and stuff out there for whoever might want to listen to them... since I've been having trouble finding people through my own efforts... 😔
Maybe - just maybe - they'll find the right people.
...And then maybe we can start working together to change the culture surrounding the discussion of ideas, opinions, beliefs, and so forth. 😌