I just got an invite to a community Telegram, where 3 or 4 guys I had a falling out with joined, too. I’m thinking about things a bit, wondering whether or not I should be the bigger man and reconcile our conflict.
The problem is, I can’t.
I put a lot of effort into things, even at my laziest. It seems like a joke, but for the things that incite my passion, I blaze. So, I am not about to bow my head to the unthinking, unproductive, and unabashed gentlemen with whom I previously disagreed.
They lacked fire or any semblance of desire.
I’m hard on myself, but they’re true charlatans, joining for meeting after meeting, chat after chat. I struggled to attend sometimes, anxiously wondering what I might miss in my absence. It was nothing. Even if they had a discussion of note, they failed to record even a fraction of it.
I’m convinced after a time, because they didn’t write things down during those sessions, they just had repeat discussions.
We failed to make progress in a direction because they flouted leadership or having a sole director, but also failed to assume responsibility. They called this, decentralization. To me, it was reminiscent of high school and even college group projects, with one person front-loading the work, and three laggards riding their coattails. It was infuriating.
You’d have a grown man spend 2 hours talking to you, positive yes-men, who agreed to everything suggested. Then, when it came time to follow up on even one idea, even their own, it was like flossing teeth. They bled motivation and went limp with regards to any type of labor.
It wouldn’t be such a problem if, afterwards, they didn’t take ownership of trying their own thing, because somehow, in those hours of discussion, they didn’t feel heard. Somehow, they didn’t speak up “enough” so they formed their own little group, started a completely different project, then invited me to help. In reality, they couldn’t focus on one thing, made another, then went back to avoiding all leadership and responsibility in the name of the sacred “decentralization”.
I wish them well, really. I was invited to this particular group by the one guy who said what he’d do, and did what he said. I only respect him. I don’t need to carry a grudge. In fact, I’ve forgiven them. I even owe them for reminding me one more time to not become disillusioned by others’ stories- their reasons and rationales. Their reasons are their own.
I need to remember my reason time and time again, and remind myself to stick with it for that alone. We need not be disagreeable, but I’m leaving when the party’s over. I have things I want to accomplish. I can’t stick around chatting with those with no boundaries on time, work and money.
For Global Handwashing Day, I wash my hands of these gentlemen and their petty squabble.