I've been off work for almost 4 months now. My arm has healed well from surgery. Lately I've been struggling with my inner critic who says I've turned into a lazy couch potato. Today I slept till after 8 and yesterday I took a 3 hour nap. My head was awake and loud when I woke up and my anxiety kicked in pretty quick. I couldn't figure out what I wanted to do and I felt edgy. Decided to go do laundry. Despite my efficient weekly routine, I couldn't fold a sheet to save my life and forgot to take one of my loads out of the washer so I had to bring it home wet. "Of course I did, because nothing is going right today because today sucks ass!" I muttered. Came home and did stuff around the house. Still feeling a bit blah, but better because I accomplished some things. Michael and I were chatting about how stressed out people get over things they have no control over. How money drives humans. I told him about my thoughts and things that were taking away my light. He talked to me about mindfulness. He told a story to put it into perspective for me cause he always knows just what to say to bring me around. I was messaging with my daughters and decided to FaceTime them rather then messaging. I’m always “to busy” for facetime. We talked for a while but Olivia had to go to put Benny down since she’s on a different time zone. Liz and I spent a bit longer and had a wonderful conversation. I actually spoke to all 6 on my grandbabies even my favorite granddaughter. I was talking to Michael after the call and I became aware that not only was I not feeling anxious or blah anymore, I was actually energized. Happy. Grateful. It was then that I was reminded of a couple of things I used to practice daily. First, I don’t have to discard an entire day based on some thoughts or feelings that are rarely even based in fact. This moment is all that matters. Secondly, humans need humans. I need humans. I have the awesomest friends in the entire universe. We have carried each other through life’s challenges and celebrations. I learned long ago to reach out to my people when I was struggling and when I was not struggling. I used to call my friends for everything (my kids hated it) and this was before everyone had a cell phone. I feel so much lighter as I type this short post turned long. These moments of clarity always show up in the nick of time or when I’m willing to see them. I have conquered many demons and done a lot of work over the last few years. It’s been a complicated journey but my commitment has been unflappable. I have a beautiful and fulfilling life. I am my best version yet. I don’t have a single need that isn’t met. I have the best family and friends. I am happy even when I’m down. I hope everyone has a great night.
