I'm in Hell

I was born a Maritimer, (Nova Scotia) lived in the Maritimes for 45 years, when I had a brain fart and decided to move to Windsor,On. In the Maritimes, I grew up in a small fishing village/town,called Lunenburg, whose rise to fame came from the schooner Bluenose, where we had fog, rain, fog, rain, an occasional seabreeze, and fog. Did I mention we had fog?

Lunenburg,Nova Scotia My Home town. Photo by:ANNE M. FEARON-WOOD | DREAMSTIME.COM 

The winters usually consisted of an occasional snowstorm, and then... you guessed it, fog, sometimes with rain thrown in just to make it extra messy. The winters were usually just one wet mess, but were often mild.

My first introduction to Windsor, well, I arrived here in the middle of one of the many heat waves they have. First the heat hits you, then the humidity. The heat makes you uncomfortable, even with air conditioning, the humidity just makes you miserable. It brings about what we call swamp ass, where rivers of sweat run down the crack of your ass till you end up with something resembling diaper rash... and no amount of baby powder makes you feel any better!

I remember my first winter here. It started to get cold in October, but November it was back to heat again. I was walking to work on the 23rd of December, and people were out in shorts, BBQing, and mowing their lawns... I will admit that isn't typical, but it has happened more than once since I've been here.

At the present time we are in another heat wave, and it is supposed to last for at least a week. My air conditioner has threatened suicide, because it is completely worn out from running steadily 24 hours a day. Even with the air conditioning, it is hot, but without it, I'd be a pile of melted mush. I went to take a leak 10 minutes ago, and all that happened was I whistled like an old kettle and only steam came out... :(

The only good thing, if it is a good thing, is that living here will prepare me for the heat in hell once I take that old dirt nap. They say hotter than the hinges of hell, yup, that's what it has been like here for the last 3 days, and at the moment, there isn't an end in sight!