GIRLS HATE WRESTLING [006]
GIRLS HATE WRESTLING [006 | Money In The Bank - LIVE]
Girls Hate Wrestling is a blog run by a girl, who in fact, loves pro-wrestling. This was originally an idea for a youtube series with my best friend, but that never happened. Now it's going to be a blog, possibly some videos, of me channeling my love of a testosterone fueled soap opera of greased up men in underwear battling to lay on top of each other for 3 seconds... sometimes for a belt.
It took me nearly a week to get this post out, but I needed some recovery time. Friday night was a punk show in Springfield, MO, followed by an adrenaline crash all day Saturday to recharge for Sunday… My first LIVE WWE PPV, followed by a gruesome 9-5 work week in a warehouse in Missouri summer. Gimme a break. I couldn’t talk until Wednesday and I’m still squeaking air.
Although I’ve seen a house show back in 2011. It was my boyfriend, Sam’s, first live wrestling, ever. I’m so glad he’s taken a liking to my obsession! And we even got to meet up with the dude I blame entirely for re-lighting the fire for a wrestling addiction back in 2011, Frank Miller. He told me to come hang out and watch the 40-Man Royal Rumble. I fell in love with Edge, so we started watching RAW every week together & finally got to (kinda) see a live PPV together. We’re “tag team partners” for life, and if you put the pieces together… Frank Miller… Wednesday Miller… He gave me my (ring/burner)name. I also had some really cool signs I’ll tell you about as they are appropriate.
“JABRONI FREE ZONE” all night long.
[DING DING DING]
Money In The Bank took place at the Scott Trade Center in St. Louis, Missouri, on June 18, 2017. This was a Smackdown Live exclusive ppv, with three titles on the line, and two Money In The Bank Ladder matches, featuring the FIRST EVER WOMEN’S MONEY IN THE BANK. (From here on out, Money In The Bank = MITB. It’s a lot to type repeatedly.) While I was there, I was fucking pumped, and looking back, I’m a little upset, a little bit pissed, but I am still overall, amazed at what I witnessed from rather good seats. My blind ass could see the ring clearly without the Jumbo-screens! I have a lot of emotions, let’s get right into it!
Kick-off Match
The Hype Bros vs The Colons
I was actually pretty excited about this match, for the simple fact that “Long Island Iced-Z” Zack Ryder is back from injury. Mojo was having a GREAT singles run while Zack was out, but man, I love the Hype Bros.
There was just a so much energy pouring out of Mojo Rawley and you could clearly tell Zack wasn’t 100% with the leg injury. I’m not a fan of The Colons. Just never liked ‘em, never will.
THE FIRST EVER WOMEN’S MONEY IN THE BANK LADDER MATCH
Charlotte Flair vs Becky Lynch vs Natalya vs Carmella w/ James Ellsworth vs Tamina
This match was supposed to be HISTORIC. Supposed to be. This is the match that looking back, I am upset and pissed and feel jipped. These women set out to do something incredible that we have waited too long for, just to have creative piss off the entire WWE Universe. These chicks were smashing each other with ladders. Throwing everything they had at each other. You should have seen the bruises and make-up jobs on Smackdown Live on tuesday, shit.
There were so many close calls, and in the end, Becky had her hands on the briefcase and smug-ass, no chin-James Ellsworth knocks her off the ladder only to slime HIS way up and retrieve the WOMEN’S MITB briefcase and drop it into Carmella’s hands.
A DUDE RETRIEVED THE WOMEN’S BRIEFCASE. A MAN WON THE FIRST EVER WOMEN’S MONEY IN THE BANK >:| I am not opposed to interference and fuckery, but I AM opposed to a DUDE literally ruining the FIRST EVER of a Women’s match that can never be re-done as the first in the history of the business. They have worked so hard to leave the Diva Era behind, and hell, Charlotte Flair was in the first ever Women’s Hell In A Cell, and they fucking screwed those women. I AM SO PISSED AT CREATIVE RIGHT NOW. BUT, Thankfully Daniel Bryan was also pissed and took the briefcase back from Carmella on the Smackdown Live after MITB, while telling Ellsworth he’d punch him in the face so hard he couldn’t breathe and fire him. My god, I laughed so hard.
SMACKDOWN TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP
Smackdown Tag Team Champions – The Usos vs The New Day
To be perfectly honest, I didn’t watch this match live. I decided it was time for a nicotine stick and rum with Sam, Frank and his buddy Seth. I did hear the end of the match announcement and got the details from the kid in the seat next to me, but I also re-watched MITB this week, so I have seen the match. I just can’t stand Thug Usos and The New Day and their booty-o’s got stale last year. I actually really like Kofi and both of the Usos as wrestler. I just don’t like Xavier/Oliver and Big E is whatevs.
Essentially, the Usos played heel correctly and one twin drug the other out of the ring during the pin and they just took a countout and let New Day win without the titles changing hands.
Smackdown Women’s Championship
Smackdown Women’s Champion – Naomi vs Lana
During this entire PPV, the row of dudes behind me were just fans of whoever were the heels. We had a lot of fun with crowd chants, particularly this match. Lana did surprisingly well for her debut match. She controlled most of the match, but in my opinion she just looked incredibly weak and Naomi looked rough trying to sell some shit because of delivery. Whatever. The guys behind me had about a 6 person “Let’s Go Lana” chant and I by myself, would fill in the gaps with “LANA SUCKS.” Toward the end of the match, Carmella’s music hits and she and the butthead waltz down the ramp as she contemplates cashing in her newly won briefcase. She decides not to as Naomi picks up the victory to retain. I honestly thought they were giving it to Lana on a fluke of sorts and the MITB winner would cash in that night or tuesday. No such things happened. Creative fooled me!
[Some girl shows up. She’s apparently a wrestler from one of my “off” periods where I probably didn’t have cable or internet. Her name’s Maria or some shit and she has a husband now. I wanted to puke and/or hit something.]
WWE CHAMPIONSHIP REMATCH
[I'm the purple circle! JABRONI FREE ZONE!]
WWE Champion Jinder Mahal w/ The Singh Brothers vs Randy Orton
Here’s the deal. Everyone in the arena or watching this PPV knew the outcome weeks ago. As soon as Orton mentioned his family’s legacy and shit, and you realize he’s trying to gain the championship in his hometown (they LOVE to fuck hometown hero) in front of his entire family ON Father’s Day. Psssssh.
This was a pretty physical matchup. I was on my feet or the edge of the fold-up seat the whole time. The arena was thunderous with RKO chants and of course, Sam HATES Orton. So we had a great time shit-talking throughout the match.
Eventually, Orton has Jinder covered for a pin, and the Singh Brothers grab Jinder’s foot for a rope break on the bottom rope. The referee catches them and Randy begs him to not end it in a DQ and they are ejected from ringside. As the fuckery begins, The Singh Brothers attack Randy’s father, Cowboy Bob Orton and Randy loses his mind.
Two dudes through tables! As soon as Randy makes it back in the ring, Jinder hits a finisher to retain.
Tag Team Match
Breezango [Fashion Police] vs The Ascension/
Okay, to be clear. I LOVE BOTH TAG TEAMS. This was an impromptu matchup. The Fashion Police have been killing it lately on Tuesday nights and The Ascension have always done well even when they’re losing. Solid tag teams. The Fashion Police received a video “file” earlier in the night and the mysterious people in the video said they’d meet ‘em in the ring later, so we have a match! I just really love both of these teams. They’ve both needed the push and it’s great to see them on a PPV even if just for a few minutes.
MEN’S MONEY IN THE BANK LADDER MATCH
AJ Styles vs Shinsuke Nakamura vs Sami Zayn vs Kevin Owens vs Baron Corbin vs Dolph Ziggler
We love AJ Styles and Nakamura. I have a weird love for Sami aka El Generico (lol) and much respect for Dolph. The other two can fuck right off. We had a sign for AJ that read “AJ, please STYLES clash, KO back to Quebec, eh?” and a two person sign that said “NAKA MURA”
As the guys are making their entrances, right as Shinsuke’s is getting good, idiot Baron Corbin attacks him from behind, even with a camera, and takes Shinsuke out before the match starts.
He’s taken back stage and we have a 5-Man MITB Ladder Match.
KO tried to start off by taking every guy out with a ladder and Sami Zayn said “Naaaaah” and put his ass through said ladder and man did that thing bend in half!
There were ladders being thrown and shoved everywhere. Dolph, Sami and Baron all battle atop the ladder briefly until it ends with Zayn taking Dolph to the canvas with a sunset flip. I was literally shrieking at the top pf my lungs.
After a bit of general ladder match shenanigans, We got AJ Styles up the ladder, holding on to the briefcase and Dolph takes the ladder out from under his. AJ STYLES dangled 20ft above the ring, and pulled himself up MULTIPLE TIMES trying to unhook the damn thing until he fell to the ring. HARD.
I thought AJ died. We haven’t seen a bump that hard since Edge spearing Jeff Hardy off the top of a ladder! And, finally, SHINSUKE NAKAMURA returns to the ring and wreaks havoc on every man, especially Baron. I was jumping, screaming, nearly drunk crying at the magnificent beauty I was witnessing from these six dudes.
Nakamura and Styles have a brief bout on the ladder which eventually ends with Baron fucking things up, as usual and grabbing that damn briefcase. My birthday was ruined by the ONE guy I least wanted to win, winning. I knew it though. Goddammit.
[DING DING DING]
So that was my birthday present to myself and my experience at my first live ppv. I apologize for the late and messy post. It’s been a hell of a week, and I’m dead tired. I struggled to be awake long enough to watch all the wrestling this week. Tomorrow is “Wrestlefest” at a local venue. There's a costume contest so I'm clealry dressing up as Jeff Hardy. They have some Indy dudes from St. Louis, one of which I met after MITB. He’s a pretty boy and Ill probably root for the other dude, but I saw a video and he’s good in ring, so that’s cool.
I also should point out, I saw Sheamus outside the hotel Frank was staying at, but he has a solid “Don’t fuck with me” face so we all fangirl’d in a circle and didn’t approach, like good, non-Jabroni wrestling fans.
As always, thanks for checking it out. Stay tuned and remember this is a “Jabroni Free Zone!”
**All photo credit to wwe.com ** **One photo edit by me**