Good Morning! I have had a rather great day yesterday, although I am still quite manic. I went to be at a decent hour, but only got about four hours of sleep. It was very hard to stay still after waking. I would get hot flashes and the need to move my muscles. It is not a very fun time. I mean, I don't feel very tired, but my body is tired... I know my body needs more sleep than this. I messaged my psychiatrist this morning, explaining how I have been manic the past couple of weeks, and requested any advice on what I could do to relieve these symptoms. I try to do everything that I am supposed to do. I am active, I eat well, I avoid substances that are bad for my moods. I am afraid to say it, but I think I need to stop drinking coffee.
Speaking of coffee, I had a nice half cup this morning. I have slowly been lowering my morning cup to just a half cup. The problem arises in the afternoon when I want a boost and crave another cup. I did fall to temptation yesterday and had one... I think that is probably why I woke up at two this morning, along with the anxiety that comes with some of the errands I have to run today.
So my mood number for today is a 7 again, getting close to an 8 even... I am not sure. It is hard for me to tell. I hope this number goes down, and soon. It should get better quickly I think. Manic episodes usually don't last as long as depressive ones for me. Which is great. I am tired of this fire in my body and the electricity in my brain. I am tired of being irritated over stupid things, and snapping and being negative for no reason. I am tired of anxiety, I am tired of feeling out of breath all the time. I am tired of mania. I would not wish it on anyone.
So this morning, I have finally decided to do what I've wanted to do for a very long time. I love gardening, but what I love even more is the philosophy of permiculture. It's basically sustainability and balance in all aspects of life. There is this amazing author and teacher named Matt Powers. He has started an online permiculture course and I am determined to sign up for it. His course is considerably cheaper than other courses, and it is done all online and at home. Most other courses require travel, camping, and direct social interaction that I prefer not to deal with. My grandmother has expressed how she would like to help me continue my education, so I am hoping she would help pay for some of the cost. I am nervous, since the last time I was in school, I did not find it engaging and I dropped out. I know however this time it will be different since this is my passion that I am following.
Some goals for today: run errand, water houseplants, garden, clean, pack, listen to music, dance, play computer game, stretch, read my book, enjoy life. I am going to have to leave it at that. I need to take off. I hope you all have a wonderful day, thank you for reading! I love you.