Hi, guys!
Today I want to make a writing post. Yes, yes, I have no fresh drawings again, cause at the moment I have a depressive episode of my bipolar disorder and this time my depression is really bad.
I'm using all the tips and tricks I learned during the years to make my state less unbearable, mostly I just try to keep myself busy. Not an easy thing to do, cause when depressed I slow down in about five times or more, everything takes extra time and extra effort. Only one thing I can do easily - lie on my bed and look at the ceiling, but even in this case it takes extra effort to accept myself in my own skin.
So I just make baby steps. I can't draw - but I can listen to my drawing lectures. Even if in my present condition I need to listen them for three times to understand at least something. I can't play active games with Astro - but I still can take her outside and slowly walk or just stand nearby while she's playing on her own or with other dogs. And thus it's in everything.
For last three days I felt so bad in my own skin that I had a desperate desire to self-harm, even despite the fact that I nearly solved this problem with my therapist. This time I managed to transform this will to a more constructive thing, and made a haircut. Actually I wanted to shave my head, but my hairdresser found an another solution:
So I go both: shaving and some hair still left. I hope I will hot regret this when I'm back to normal.
So, days are long and hard to get through, but well, I know that this is not forever. One thing bothers me - my daily planner is almost empty, I just don't want to fill it with tasks I know in advance I will not be able to do, and this will make me feel even worse. But I understood one thing.
When depression comes to your life sometimes it's completely OK to have only one goal in your planner - "get through the day"/"survive". Did it? Well done!:)
P.S. Give me a yoga/meditation advice and get banned.
See you in the next post!
Love, Inber