Today I had a uterine biopsy. These things always make me a little bit squeamish. During a routine sonogram they noticed that the back wall of my uterus had thickened, hence the test. I was actually expecting it to be horrible. I had some pre-cancer cells in my cervix about 15 years ago and that biopsy was torturous. I fainted and everything. This time, the nurse offered me a lollypop to suck on while the doctor was working. Of course, any chance to eat candy is always good news to me. I figure all candy eaten during surgical procedures has no calories. I am not exaggerating when I say that my ob-gyn was halfway through when I asked if she had started. I don’t know if it was the candy, but the procedure didn’t hurt at all. Here is the question-- was the last doctor a scalpel-wielding freak or had having a baby made me impervious to pain? When I think about it, the last major procedure in that area entailed pushing out a 9½ lb. baby. The biopsy was a breeze.
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The lollypop really reminded me of my labor. The nurse in our birthing class told us that the only food you could eat during labor was hard candy. It had to be on a stick or you might choke on it. I am VERY serious about food so if there was something I was allowed to eat, I wanted it available. That’s why I brought a bag of Jolly Rancher suckers to the hospital. I absolutely love the watermelon flavor. Everyone always talks about ice chips, but let me tell you, in the 27th or 28th hour of labor there is nothing better than the taste of sour watermelon. It was completely refreshing.
When my friend Judy was having her twins I told her about the lollypops. You know how people kind of nod politely as you are telling them something and you know they think you are nuts as a bunny? I bugged her about it until she agreed to put the candy in her hospital bag just to get me to shut up! True story… she called me immediately after she had her twins. Now I wanted to know their names and how much they weighed but all she could talk about was the lollypops and how delicious they were. While I waited for word of her beloved babies, she rambling on about the suckers and how they were the best thing and that I was a wonderful friend for getting the candy.
Next time you have a baby, biopsy or pap smear… bring along a lollypop. For some reason everything is better when there is candy involved. I really recommend the watermelon.