(Drawing with progress after the story)
Him
He was already on his sixth cup of coffee, but he really needed it. Days seemed to be harder and harder and only seem to be taking longer. As he walks to the counter to get that last piece of pie he had been eying for almost half an hour now, he reminisces. Days used to be so colorful, days were bright, colors vibrant. But then de bad memories step in..
āIād like that last slice of chocolate pie please, Iāve been hunkering for it for a while nowā
Bad memories there are plenty.. His life had always been filled with quite a share of bad luck.
āIām sorry sirā¦ that one was just sold to the person in front of youā¦ can we get you something else?ā
Typicalā¦
āsighā¦ one last coffee thenā¦ Black, just like everything elseā
After receiving his coffee he turned around and was not all that surprised his table was taken. He walked back and grabbed his jacket, the people that stole his table did not even acknowledge him.
Achā¦ why would today be any different. He knows he is not well liked, he never fit in anywhere anyhow. The demons in his head made damn sure he didnāt forget that. Nor would they let him forget about his uselessness. He knew he didnāt have a place in this worldā¦ But he was here what else could he do?
Ever since he can remember he had been going through the motionsā¦
- Wake up.
- Eat.
- Go to school/work.
- Get bullied.
- Eat.
- Go Home.
- Get bullied.
- Watch tv.
- Eat.
- Sleep.
- Repeat.
Psychotherapist diagnoses him with depression and told him he would just have to learn to live with it. Even they admitted it probably would never go away.
He was not a fan of life and it took everything to get through the day.
But the nightsā¦ the nights were worseā¦ the night is when the mind gets active and the demons run wildā¦ As soon as he went to bed, after turning of the lights it startedā¦ The realization that he had no future, he didnāt belong, no one liked him. Realizations like that hit you hardā¦ it was not uncommon for him to panic, hurdle up into a ball and shedding some tears.
Why was he born! Why him? Why was it so easy for the rest? He didnāt get itā¦ He wanted toā¦ He tried to understand. But he never did.
The only thing that kept him here was herā¦ There had been plenty of āhersā but they all ended up Cheating on, Ghosting or just breaking up without a reason with him. In the time they were together they did help clear his mind and see the brighter things in life. Until they left and left him with a hole twice their size. But not herā¦ she was different.
She was his dream girl. Literallyā¦ He met her in his dreams. For the last year or so she would show up in all his dreams in one form or another. Especially after a bad episode she would be there to console him letting him know it was all alright, that it would be fine. Right before heād wake up sheād tell him āIām waiting for you right here. All will be better when we are togetherā Always the same sentenceā¦ That sentenceā¦ it took him a while to noticeā¦ It seemed off. āI am waitingā instead off āI will be waitingā and the last part as wellā¦ it felt weird.
It got him thinking what if it wasnāt a dream? He wasnāt sure what it wasā¦ But maybe not a dream. He tried asking her what she meant and where sheād be waiting. She always remained a bit vague about things. From what she told him he thought she was in the afterlife, just the little nuances she put on things, the vague and misty surroundings it just seemed to fit. Not that he ever visited the afterlifeā¦ But if there was an afterlife thatās how heād picture it.
He had fantasized about just ending itā¦ finally be with her for real. He knew it was a silly thoughtā¦ Killing yourself for a person in a dream..?
But after last nightā¦ He had the worst episode he ever had, it scared him. But then he dreamtā¦ and there she was, as always. She calmed him down. It all seemed so vivid and real!
He did mention it once to his psychotherapist and was told that it was a form of escape, where the mind creates a world to hide in. It wasnāt real.
But whyā¦ why did it feel so real?
He took his coffee and went back to his work. He worked in a dull grey office as a programmer. In all the years he worked for this company he never made promotionā¦ Not because he wasnāt good at his workā¦ Hellā¦ He was better and smarter than most people in the officeā¦ Whenever there was a promotion round he was just bullied down, stepped on and passed by others. The only good thing about the office was that it was on the top floor and had a spectacular view from the balcony and if you knew the combination to the door in the back you could sit on a ledge overlooking the city without being disturbed or seen by anyone.
He was the often ridiculed for it by his colleagues. Today was no different. One of the new guys that just got promoted came to his desk to gloat āaccidentallyā knocking over his coffee spilling it over his pants before walking away in laughter.
Every dayā¦ day after dayā¦ He sighed, went to the bathroom to clean up. As often in situations like this he snuck out of the combination locked door and sat down with his feet over the edge, just to come to his senses.
The fresh air just helped.
āIām waiting for you right here. All will be better when we are togetherā
It sounded clear as day in his earā¦ While contemplating his life he toughtā¦
He thought āFuck itā¦" as he let go
As he fell he felt the wind rush passed him. He closed his eyes and pictured her smiling at him.
He hit the ground, and all went blackā¦.
Drawing
Paper A5
Copic Liners
White Gel pen
Colored pencils
Process pictures
For once I do have a couple of process pictures. I do always try to make process pictures. But I tend to end up in a zone where I just draw and before I know it the drawing is finished.
As always, please let me know what you think/feel
šŗ @wolv