Love is easily confused with need-oriented emotions rooted in old fear based patterns, that we created as defence mechanisms from our childhood wounds. We are asking for love because we have forgotten the bountiful fountain of love springing from our own hearts.
Can you smile in the face of adversities? Can you embrace your pain with gratitude? Can you wake up tired and beaten and still do your part?
For me, one of the tough lessons to learn was to accept that I am still a little hurt child in adult body. That I repeat the same reactions that I learned at a very early age, I just changed the phrasing, made it more efficient and cunning, but the energy behind remained exactly the same. I had to crack the matrix and see that my victim identity is nothing but unconscious drama designed to inspire pity in people. This is how I learned how to ask for love, after I lost my innocence, after I forgot that I can never lose love, because it's internal. I can only forget it by closing my heart. This is how I learned to be a victim.
As any lesson, as anything that hurts, it's a huge gift. By having the uncompromising honesty with myself, I was able to see for the first time. And that is immense. It's also very uncomfortable. You can't work with anything that you can't see. You can't get out of the prison of your mind if you think that you're free. If you don't even see the bars, if you don't see the depth of you human predicament, and the Grace hiding behind every corner, whispering “remember, just remember who you really are. Nothing but Love.”
Remembering Love before I begin new story of Love.
Second step was the iron determination to transcend my shadow states. And that requires courage, brutal honesty and utter dedication to the mission. In my opinion, the work on oneself is the most noble mission that a human being can do, it's the utmost offering to Humanity, this planet and Universe. If your predominant vibration is still fear based (and fear can be very easily disguised in love, it's a very subtle player), you are contributing to the common field of negativity, that still grasps humanity very tightly (although not for long anymore!).
Only by embracing my own fears and making the quantum leap to higher frequency, I can heal myself and thus become the healer of this planet. For this, I sit every day in silence, regardless the discomfort I have to face inside. Because I know that Universe has no greater wish than that- for us to awaken, to remember that we have light coiled around every single one of our genes in every single cell of our body. It just waits for the supernova explosion, the most beautiful release that will heal this world. And that can only be done by your own awareness, by honest and fearless contemplation. Nobody will make you into a Buddha. Only you can re-become one.
And so as with each learned lesson, Universe delivers a challenge to test one's trust. I lost someone I truly loved. And my love was tested. Can I let her go with grace, without blame pity or spite? Can I really wish her the best with new man? Can I really smile at her happiness, seeing her kiss another man, become mother of someone else's kids? If I can't, then the lesson will come back, because the true love is always unconditional.
How true is my love today. I wonder.
This poem always helps...by Oriah Mountain Dreamer:
I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it, or fade it, or fix it.
I want to know if you can see Beauty even when it is not pretty every day. And if you can source your own life from its presence.
I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine, and still stand at the edge of the lake and shout to the silver of the full moon, 'Yes.'
It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you from the inside when all else falls away.
I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.
Thank you for reading, and your love upvotes.
In Gratitude,
Jan
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