The blue light of dusk had fallen through the window and was resting on the patchwork quilt while I passed by. I was putting the toys away this evening, and getting the kids ready for bed. That blue light was alluring. How nice it would have been to curl up in those soft, warm blankets and watch the light fade into dark, lazily dozing the evening away. But no, I have priorities, goals, life achievements. Largely because of these other priorities taking up so much life energy, only just last night I finally finished this painting.
The origin of the painting is in a text message from a very good friend about a dream. In the dream a woman stood nude from the shoulders up, with golden hair like waves, and the emptiness of space surrounding her, dotted with distant stars. The most striking part of her was that from her chakras emanated aquamarine. My friend had the idea of me painting the woman, and she would then attach actual aquamarine stones to the chakras. This painting is as I still have it here in my house, prior to her completing it with the stones.
Art is a funny thing. I can follow a basic outline of what a painting is to be, but what actually comes out is subtly from somewhere else. Whatever I am feeling at that moment, or whatever association I have with the subject, always gets painted. It can’t be avoided. I frequently have this realization after the fact. This time, the moment came to me while I was eating breakfast and minding my own business, as the painting stared at me from across the way. My paintings are always present in the dining room, which turns into my painting room after the children’s bedtime. The paintings lean on the buffet, crying out about the nakedness of the canvas or the imperfections that need correction. I take note, and try to ignore the annoying nagging feeling of seeing something that needs fixing and not being able to for several hours. While I chewed and gazed at her, it dawned on me that her face is a replica of one I’ve seen long before. Fifteen years ago, my best friend in high school had to paint Aphrodite for a Latin class project. Aphrodite had the exact same expression and features. Somehow, my subconscious dredged that up. But why would the subconscious randomly drag Aphrodite out into the open?
I don’t think the subconscious ever does anything randomly. I’m one of those people that firmly believes in the symbols of dreams. If I think one over, I can usually decode the message. It seems to me the subconscious works very hard at night to solve our conscious, worldly problems, but it doesn’t speak our language. All sorts of translations seem to be required, which is difficult. Everything worthwhile is difficult. I think part of the association is quite logical: my best friend from childhood and my best friend in adulthood both created an image (whether by hand or mind) of a peaceful, goddess-like woman.
The other part has something to do with the image of peace, and I just can’t put my finger on it. At the time my friend had this dream, she was practicing Reiki. She was moving her hands over her cousin, feeling her energy, and allowing it to move as was needed. She entered a dream-like state, and had this vision. I had it performed on me for the first time this past week and also entered a strangely dream-like state. (I wrote about that dream here.) I understand now what that outer space background looks like, and the colors that she must have seen radiating around the chakras, because in the dream I saw pulsating color. In that moment I had an enormous sense of peace. I felt relief at how everything was energy and everything was moving around me—there was no need to hang on so tight to all my fears. There was great security in the movement of life all around me, but I can’t deal with it now that I am awake. I am not ready to. So that other piece of the puzzle is going to hang over me now, a dangling carrot that I just can’t quite catch.
On another note, my childhood friend’s painting was nice, but I can’t say that Aphrodite’s expression was accurate. I think she ought to have looked more arrogant than peaceful. This is more of a Goddess of the Hearth kind of face. That is what I will call her—Hestia.