Welcome to Beastly Tales. Each has a message, a moral. All are meant to have an element of humour. Naturally, any names included do not depict real folk but are included as part of the joke.
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(As with Beastly Banter Beastly Tales is written and illustrated by Richard Hersel.)
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Richard Hersel
BEASTLY TALES
THE WELSHMAN
Gryth Jones was in a Welsh pub,
With his best friend, eating some grub,
When his friend noticed his black eye,
And quickly turned to enquire as to why,
“Well, boyo,” said Gryth, “It was like this, see”,
“So very painful, certainly no bliss, see”.
And so he related the sequence of events,
That had led to a situation so tense.
“Last Sunday I was in church as I usually am, see”,
“I sat facing the front, my mouth like a clam, see,”
“The piano began to play the hymn refrain”,
“And from singing, of course, the Welsh never abstain”.
“I sat in a pew behind sister Gwynyth, see,
“The hymn was about how one shouldn’t sinneth, see”.
“And I was lustily singing”,
“When a thought to my mind was springing”.
“I didn’t want to be crude or rude”,
“But cloth was caught between her buttocks extrude”.
“Uncomfortable it looked, so I reached to pull it out”,
“When she turned around with a startled shout”.
“She angrily poked me right in the eye”.
“So startled was I, I failed to notice the service going by”.
The very next Sunday at the church in the lane,
Gryth sat behind sister Gywnyth again.
They stood up for the first hymn now to sing.
Not knowing what trouble the next moments would bring.
And Gryth noticed her buttocks with the skirt now tight.
He thought to himself, “Well, yes, all right”.
He stood up and was lustily singing,
When a thought, again to his mind was springing.
If sister Gwynyth had anger fulfilled,
When skirt cloth from between buttocks was pulled.
It must undoubtedly mean she liked it that way.
So Gryth thought he would now save the day.
By reaching down, to poke the cloth in!
Sister Gwynyth then emitted a loud din.
And turned around to see Gryth’s grin.
She adroitly moved her arm in a spin,
And poked Gryth’s eye in a most painful way.
Gryth was flabbergasted, didn’t know what to say.
The very next day, in the Welsh pub,
Another black eye was clearly apparent from the drub,
Given by angry Gwynyth, startled as she turned around,
To give Gryth a poke that did certainly astound.
His mate quietly questioned as to why,
Gryth had received this second black eye.
That such a thing should again be so.
Gryth’s explanation was painfully slow.
“I thought I was doing the best thing, you see”
“Trying to please Gwynyth gives pleasure to me”,
“Or, at least, I used to think it did”,
“But she acts in return like she’s not the “full quid”.
“And so ladies apparel I just will not touch”,
“In the future, even if it looks very much”,
“As though an adjustment may really improve”,
“The drape of the fabric, be it loose or smooth!”
