Welcome to Beastly Tales. Each has a message, a moral. All are meant to have an element of humour. Naturally, any names included do not depict real folk but are included as part of the joke.
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(As with Beastly Banter Beastly Tales is written and illustrated by Richard Hersel.)
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Richard Hersel
BEASTLY TALES
THE SCOTSMAN
The Scotsman cares not how he’s built,
But doggedly persists in wearing his kilt.
Of equal importance are his bag pipes
Which, to some, are open to critical snipes.
And, perhaps most important of all,
To a bonny Scotsman, is to have a brawl.
Towards this end he does toss the caber,
Which, as you’ll imagine is intensive labour.
Yes, tossing around a tree trunk for sport,
Should not be undertaken without a snort,
Of Scotland’s finest single malt whiskey,
Guaranteed to make anyone frisky.
Haggis and Oats do energy provide,
For Scots lads in the hill where they reside.
Wearing their kilts and toting a caber,
(Although, in war time, it might be a sabre),
Coping with cold, they don’t give a damn,
As long as they can have a very large dram,
Of Whiskey, that is distilled for such use
To mitigate Highland’s winter abuse.
Now we come to a genuine Highland Laird,
Who’s knees in icy weather were bravely bared.
Wearing his kilt he had a visitor the other day,
And here is a bit of what he had to say:
“Hoots mon, where hae ye bin?”
“Ye dinna look verrry clean!”
“I’ve been in the barn to milk your cow”,
“It is so muddy I don’t know how”,
“I slipped in the muck on the floor,”
“And slid quite fast out the door”.
The Laird replied with a nonchalant air,
(But rather LAIRDLY to be quite fair).
“Why canna ye nae speak proper noo?”
“That poor wee beastie is a coo!”
“Nae a ‘cow’ as ye do say,”
“Learn your Gaelic if you want your pay!”
