BEASTLY TALES

THE DENTIST

Horace went to the Dentist today,
A victim of insidious tooth decay.
He’d felt twinges in both gums and teeth,
Both in the top row and underneath.
Also his breath when he’d exhale,
Made the faces of folks around pale.
“Put on these glasses along with this bib”
Said the Dentist, in a manner quite glib
“Now your teeth are not very clean”
“Do you bother about dental hygiene?”
He said, in an aside to the dental nurse,
“It looks quite bad but it could be worse”
“I think that most teeth will have to come out”
“So now hold still, and please don’t shout!”
“Yes, you look a bit of a goof,”
“So I imagine you don’t have a wisdom tooth.”
“Your breath smells like a sewer swamp”
“And it must be painful when you chomp.”
“My initial professional diagnosis”
“Is that I can cure your halitosis”
“But as for the teeth it seems too late”
“Perhaps you should prepare yourself for a plate”
Horace grimaced with his mouth wide open,
For he had been fondly hoping,
That the Dentist would only do some drilling,
And then fill the holes with mercury filling.
So the Dentist proceeded to prepare poor Horace,
Calling for assistance from his nurse, called Doris
“Now, nurse please pass me the pliers”
“And tell the receptionist I’m out if someone enquires”
“Oops, I forgot the Novocaine”,
“Pain pulses will go straight to your brain”,
“Now I really must try to concentrate”,
“I’m afraid I’ve been staying up rather late”.
So he got the Novocaine syringe,
Giving poor Horace a Novocaine binge.
Yes, he stuck the needle right into his gum,
“How was that, did it hurt, old chum?”
And it wasn’t long until things went numb,
But why, Horace thought, was the Dentist so dumb.
“Perhaps, now, we’ll pull all of them out.”
“We don’t want to seem to be mucking about!”
“And then, for really discerning shoppers”,
“We’ll sell you the very best in false choppers”.
At this point Horace had had quite enough,
Of this loony Dentist with his appalling guff.
So he decided then to run right away,
And seek a sane Dentist some other day.