Lizzy Leadbottom ran an Antique Store,
Her friends introduced her, a matter of bore,
As an “antique dealer” to her constination,
In fact, “The finest antique dealer in the nation!”
“It’s not that she’s terribly old,” they did say,
“It’s that, although she looks aged and grey,”
“She collects the most fabulous old things,”
“And flogs them off again for the top money each brings!”
Aristocracy often knocked on her shop door,
To sell off less favoured items for more,
So they could pay their outrageous Land Tax Bills,
Thus avoiding eviction and foreclosure spills.
Occasionally, they might buy a small item,
To show their neighbours they could survive and fight’em,
That is to say, fight any government extorter.
Who did their nasty job, and not what they ought to!

Lizzy Leadbottom had a most discerning eye,
When top-notch antiques did, in and out fly,
Yes, fly to and from her famous store,
Any direction, always room for more!
One day a punter brought in a most elegant Escritoire,
He had brought it from Norfolk, so it hadn’t come far.
“Whatcha gonna give me for this,” he did enquire,
Lizzy felt her greed machine ignite with fire!
“Do you have provenance, and a Bill of Sale?”
“Without such items I could wind up in jail.”
“Handling stolen goods is highly frowned on,”
“Need I go on indefinitely to expound upon?”
“It was made in France, or so I am told,”
Said the punter, “And I want money to fold,”
“Into my over-sized wallet, here it is,”
“If you need any paper-work, we can’t do biz!”
Now, Antiquarians come up against this a lot.
No provenance or paper-work generally equates a thieving clot.
So any deal along such lines is best avoided.
Particularly when a covering story has been embroidered!
But Lizzy Leadbottom knew of a way,
To acquire the Escritoire, and make it pay.
“Firstly, I’ll take some photographs,”
“And circulate them appropriately, just for laughs!”
“If, with my bait, I then catch a fish,”
“I can then create a substantial dish,”
“Of lovely green monetary lettuce, and other things,”
“With a combined value of many diamond rings.”
And, so that is precisely what she did,
Eventually recouping many thousands of quid!
Yes, she had been most active and busy,
Our subject antiquarian Lizzy!