While I love the point you made overall, I still think you are describing the same argument, just an indirect approach. Because the government is not actually a thing, it cannot commit atrocities. Only people acting as agents can commit atrocities. So attacking or arguing against the state is pointless. You must appeal to the actual individuals.
I believe what you mean to say is do not use accusations and personal attacks to make a point. Instead, employ the Socratic Method to get the person to reach the conclusion on their own.
RE: Anarchistic thought in action: We are fighting the state, not people.