“Are you sure you even made the right choice marrying him?” asked Linda.
The question was directed at Jennifer who has a swollen eye with other bruises all over her body.
“I know he loves me but the only problem he has is his temper” she answered looking down and trying to hold back her tears which are already threatening to pour down at any slight emotional trigger.
Andy could not hold himself back any more and even though the two friends never invited him, he shouted “how can he lay his finger on a lady? when the thought of it makes me feel my skull is filled with sand instead of brain?!!!”
“See this one that lusts after anything that is not a man” thought Mrs Linda who has nagged Andy into keeping late nights where he found comfort on the thighs of strange women.
It might not be to this extreme but people have been made to believe that there is no perfect relationship. Can he be Mr Right?. I think she is the right lady to bear my children?. This is a question both singles and couples find themselves asking especially before and after tying the knot. One of the most popular guidelines in the media have to do with relationships and marriages. This ranges from hard copies of written tips to soft copies that could be downloaded from the internet to videos/audio that can be streamed to websites where you can make phone calls and be properly guided. A lot of these can easily be found on either Google books, Amazon, Ebay and whole lots of other websites. However, there is an ever increasing rate of divorce. For instance, Belguim have a divorce rate of 71%, while in the United States, there is a divorce every seconds. Reference Most times, it’s not the unknown poor or timid people but those who some have come to view as role models. For instance, in Nollywood alone, there have been about 30 failed marriages in the last 10 years. Reference. It got so bad that one popular marriage counselor in Nigeria, Amara Blessing Nwosu announced the crash of her marriage using Facebook. Reference . This is someone who is in the business of ensuring lasting relationships for others.
Is there a possibility that the problem is not with the tips but the individuals?. Or do we start asking, “Doctor, you healed others, what happened to you?. Or is it that all the volumes of materials being poured into people from the place of worship to work to school to social gatherings does not work? If it worked for some people, does it mean we should study them to pick out the type of people a particular guideline works for? Is there no way to guarantee a lasting relationship with all our sophisticated technology? But, what if all these could be avoided before it started?
Its possible everyone uses love as an excuse because it is blind with Mr nobody leading it. However, love is not always blind, sooner or later it regains its sight if no effort was made to open it from day one. Love is sweet, heavenly and peaceful but can be wise if it opens its eyes from day one and use its heart to see. Most mistakes in relationships were already flying red flags that love in its blind state failed to see. If you doubt, fall out of love and watch all the faults of your partner laid bare before you like a slate before a nursery pupil. This in no way imply that some blind love do not remain blind forever, ask Romeo and Juliet.
Relationships are functions of individual and collective characters which when neglected results to misunderstanding. That Mr A and Mrs B have stayed in marriage for 30 years while Mr C and Mrs D fought and divorced after 5 years is no guarantee that a marriage between Mr A and Mrs D could have lasted more than 3 years. It can turn a herculean task if Mr A decides to learn how to please Mrs D and vice versa but it was simply won by Mr A marrying Mrs B who is MRS RIGHT. If you are still single, save yourself some headaches with these few tips if you can.
a. Have a Target: Finding the right person has always been a herculean task to most youths because they do not know what they are looking for. If you cannot find the one you are looking for, watch out for the one you are not looking. The quest for pretty girls and successful young men has led many into daily regret. While these are enviable qualities, they do not guarantee any stability. Have you ever sat down and asked yourself, aside beauty, complexion, 6 packs, height and riches, what do I really need in a man/woman.
b. Do not Compromise: Relationships are about compromise, but some things cannot be compromised. If you cannot stand a man slapping you?, how did love convince you that the other day he hit you was out of anger?. She nags but somehow, you convinced yourself she will stop later. He keeps late nights but convinced you that he do it because he is lonely. Truth is, people hide a lot of things before marriage and if you cannot stand the little they displayed during dating, have a rethink. Old habits die hard.
c. Talk: Unless your partner is a spirit that sees and know your heart, learn to talk. Relationship is a partnership with equal stocks at stake, protect with it by agreements. Arguments are endless and solve nothing as it surfaces only when people drag who is right or wrong. Partnerships do not consider this as it is one entity where no one takes the fall but both. If you cannot ask him what he likes, ask him what he do not like vice versa. Talk about it, find a common ground and agree. Its not all about storytelling, find time to be serious and ask him/her some questions. You will be surprised at what you will find out.
Disclaimer: These are my personal opinions, and are in no way to lure you into going against your personal convictions.