Last night, while on the way home, passing through some of the dark back alleys I usually take, I started doing some thinking. I don't know why I thought of all those things that I did at that time but they put me in a bit of a melancholic state at first. I started thinking about how everything had happened in my life. All the things that I had lost while growing up, my right to a proper childhood due to a broken family, a proper college education which was cut short...and many other things.
If I could get a wish granted then I would wish to get a good nine to five job, one where I won't have to spend too much time away from my kids and family. My schedule is quite busy, I work almost every single day...I wake up around 7 o'clock in the morning and get ready to head to work. I keep myself busy during the first half of the day doing some construction work which is quite tiring in itself and really dangerous. There are times I wonder why am I even doing this job but not much can be done since I need the cash. You don't make much here in the Philippines compared to other countries.
After I am done with that, I don't go home but get started on my second job as an online English tutor. This one compared to the construction job is less tiring physically but leaves me mentally exhausted. Majority of the time the students don't want to focus in the class because their parents force them to study all day long. There are times I feel envious of them and also times when I feel sad for them. Envious because I wish I could continue studying like them and sad mainly because they don't get enough time to build memories that will last them a lifetime.
Other thoughts that were running through my head were of how I easily I get affected by the situation of others. I can't bear to see a person suffering. I guess I give my trust to people very easily or empathize with them when they come to me with their problems. I am not saying it is a bad thing but there have been times when those very people have given me the cold shoulder or stabbed me in the back. But I still help them by either listening to them or giving them the aid that they need even if it might put me in a tight spot.
I don't regret my actions because all of them have led me to meet my wife and having a wonderful daughter with her. So what I am ranting about is how exactly should I proceed? What should I really do? Should I limit it and if I should how should I really go about it? I don't know how to do it...what would you guys advise?
Thank you for reading this rant! Much love to you all <3. Sorry for a slightly depressing post.
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