Sexist Me

As much as I rail against the sexist opinions and behaviors coming from the political right wing, and as much as I think they are wrong, I'd like to use this post to explain why I think they exhibit those opinions and behaviors from my personal perspective.

I'm coming out as a sexist. I hate to have to admit it though. On the other hand I believe it allows me to understand some of the opinions, language and behaviors coming from the likes of Jordan Peterson, Steven Crowder, Ben Shapiro and other public figures on the political and ideological right-wing. I was born in the late 1960s and although my skin is "white," my family is black. Born in Suriname, a small country in Latin America, my parents brought me and my sister to The Netherlands when I was only 3 years old, so for all practical purposes, I'm a white Dutch man in his fifties. This gives me all the privileges, but also all the flaws that come with being part of that demographic.

Gender roles were pretty clear-cut in my parental household; mom was always at home and dad was always out to work during the day and often out with his friends at night. And I'm not going to lie and admit freely that growing up in what I later learned is "the nuclear family" gave me a pleasant, stable and happy childhood. I didn't mind that dad was almost never at home. On the contrary; my sister, my mother and I were happiest when he wasn't around. I've always had a love-hate relationship with my dad, something I suspect many men and women of my age will recognize. Only much later I learned that my father had the exact same love-hate relationship with his dad. Later in life I came to understand my father and where he came from much better and this understanding grew my respect and love for him; I now understand that, however unpleasant his personality and however authoritarian his behavior towards his wife and children, he always acted out of wanting the best for us. Well, his children at least...

When I was young, masculine men still smoked on TV and in movies and acted much like dad. Who doesn't remember the "Marlboro Man"? The image of men as rugged individuals, manhandling "their" women but always coming to their rescue as well, is something I grew up with, it was literally everywhere. Sure, there was "Charlie's Angels" and next to "The Six Million Dollar Man" we got "The Bionic Woman," but I watched those not because of some adherence to female empowerment, but mainly because I had a secret crush on Jaclyn Smith and Lindsay Wagner. Young me liked brunettes and blondes, not as persons but as objectified and sexualised women. And to top off my development regarding gender-roles, I grew up with "black" music; soul, reggae and rap do nothing to instill a sense of gender equality. Even the actresses and female singers mainly just affirmed the gender-roles I grew up with.

Only when I spread out my wings and started paying attention to "the ways of the world" I learned about how deeply certain roles and hierarchies are embedded in our societies. Now I understand that the music- television- and film-industries are money-making businesses owned predominantly by old men. Old white men like myself who make products tailored for me, and affirming my place in the social hierarchy. This gender-based hierarchy is not something new, it's not limited to modern history; in fact it's the oldest hierarchy of them all, predating even racial and economic hierarchies. Knowing this, it's not hard to imagine how women's liberation and the "coming out" of other gender-roles and sexual preferences is perceived as a threat to the white men who've for centuries enjoyed such a privileged position.

Now before you think I'm only going to make excuses for myself, let me share with you how, despite my understanding of the history of gender-roles, I'm still somewhat sexist and how I recognize my own sexism. For example, a couple of years ago I went out to buy a new television. When I was in the large electronics store I of course compared many televisions, their features, sizes, prizes, image resolutions, refresh-rates and so on. But there were so damn many to choose from... I just couldn't make a final choice, even though I reduced the candidates to a handful of models. So I went looking for someone in the store to help me make the final selection, someone with expertise. And although there were both men and women working in the TV department, I didn't even consider asking one of the women for help. In my mind "technical expertise" is immediately linked to "man." Eventually I was helped by one of the young women, mainly because all the men were already helping other customers and I didn't have all day. And I must admit that I was genuinely surprised by the amount of expertise and knowledge she had; I walked away a happy customer.

I also still can't get used to the sight of two men kissing intimately. I'm sorry, I just can't. I know it's hypocritical, especially knowing that I don't mind seeing two women kissing. Male sexual fantasies is another thing I grew up with... I'm lucky to have some very understanding gay friends to whom I can admit this without losing their friendship. But it's something I struggle with; it's weird, to say the least, to know there's nothing wrong with same-sex relationships rationally speaking, but still having that gut-reaction that says the opposite when it comes to male same-sex relationships.

I'm saying all this to make a point, and that is that it takes effort, conscious effort to overcome some of the deeply embedded behaviors we've learned from our parents and society as a whole. And my biggest criticism of the political right wing is that they refuse to make that effort. It's just lazy to hide behind years, even centuries of learned behaviors and pass them of as "natural." Where would we be, as a society, if we always caved for our natural tendencies and instincts? We wouldn't have a society. Living in a functional society is, has always been and will always stay one big compromise. And it's kind of immature, childish even, to yell "muh freedoms!" every time you're asked to compromise a little, give up a tiny bit of your copious freedoms for the benefit of the freedom of others...

Thanks so much for visiting my blog and reading my posts dear reader, I appreciate that a lot :-) If you like my content, please consider leaving a comment, upvote or resteem. I'll be back here tomorrow and sincerely hope you'll join me. Until then, stay safe, stay healthy!