I didn't post for a while. I keep trying to make it at least once a week. When I see my last post is 7 days ago, I ask myself - what's wrong? And usually I have an answer, like no electricity, or no Internet, or both, too much todos, not in the mood.
But still, there is something I feel every day lately. It took me about a week to find a proper word, and it will make you laugh because it's nothing better than "Holiday Spirit". 馃槅
It appears in many ways, like shopping cravings, or thirst for choosing gifts, insatiable desire to do something crazy, or foolish, or just fun. Or break the rules. My soul rebels and wants change.馃檭 But what can I afford?
Ever since I got divorced and my daughter and I were forced to move from one rented apartment to another, she and I started a little annual tradition for our small family. It has begun with the Christmas school fair, for which everyone should bring a traditional German dish. German, because my daughter went to school with intensive study of the German language. Such school fairs were new for us then.
That's how I first learned about Stollen, which is baked once a year 3-4 weeks before Christmas, about the Advent Calendar, and about other exciting stuff. My first Stollen (germ. Christstollen) came out far from the ideal, although it was not a failure. But I accepted this challenge. And since I could practice only once a year, I baked it every year. And then I kept it in the cold for 3 weeks, and the whole time I was dying of curiosity - what will it taste like this year? First, Nick and Nataly couldn't believe that ... there is something that smells so delicious we aren't going to taste right now but hide from ourselves for 3 or 4 weeks. Once, we have almost forgotten about them! 馃槀 But every year we eat it on Christmas. Sometimes we cut one for New Year's and another for Christmas. But never earlier.
Last year, 2021, was so anxious that it killed my Holiday spirit. I didn't even realize how depressed I was at the time. Probably because I could still live a normal life, have daily rituals, meetings with friends, trips to our parents or on vacation. And all the same, I was so depressed and anxious that I didn't bake our Christmas Stollen. For the first time, I listened to the voice of my friend, who told me - "Come on, you can buy them as much as you want. I will ask my friend and he will bring one especially for you from Germany." And so it happened. And you know what? I didn't like any of them! Mine is a million times better!
This year, as you know, we are in a "big war" for 10 months already. We overcome a lot, and one challenge is changed by another. But this year I said, "I gonna bake my %%%%king Stollen whatever it takes". And I baked it 4 weeks before Christmas. Then Nick said - are you really want to wait that long? And I said - No. It's damn long! We waited 3 or 4 days and opened it! It was beautiful, divine, it was perfect! I do not regret it. Next week I baked another 2, so now I can send one to Nataly for Christmas, and one save for me and Nick.
What else can I do within my modest possibilities? This year, even a simple and little thing can be a gift. To be honest, I bought few gifts but not many. This started with some little things and sweets for 
Also, something for my daughter Nataly for her birthday that she'd never buy for herself. And something warm for my mom, me, and my hubby. Something tasty for Nataly's hubby. Today I sent one parcel to my daughter and mom, and then got a message from LUT that my parcel has arrived!
Now our society is passionately debating whether it is worth installing Christmas trees on the main square of the cities. Some believe that the holiday is necessary, and primarily for children. And this is exactly what our soldiers are fighting for, so that their children have a holiday. Some people condemn any kind of celebration while civilians and soldiers die every day due to war. And what do I think?
I was in the second group for a very long time. In my first weeks of volunteering, I was amazed that some of the female volunteers put on makeup every morning. Then I was amazed when I saw a woman in a dress and high heels. It seemed incomprehensible to me, and therefore inappropriate. I can't find a logical explanation for this desire, and probably this is why I feel it like ... a sign of a lack of empathy for the terrible suffering of the entire country.
Now I know I was wrong. Maybe not in 100% cases.馃槒 We all are humans but all different. What I believe now is that one should do whatever he's ready for, with respect to the feelings of others. I feel like celebrating, and I don't feel guilty about it. Because it's such a rarity when I really want something. It's like I still want to continue living. But I do not judge those who do not understand this. I know it's because it hurts these people too much. I have this pain inside too. That's why my advent calendar this year looks like this:
It was a joke.馃槣馃槣馃槣 Maybe by half. The light is off again. Time to go.
And what's morality? I could cheer you up with a bad joke that if you think it's a black bar in your life, don't be upset, because maybe it's not black, but only gray. Instead, in case I'll not have this opportunity later, I wish you to enjoy your time. Every day is precious. The picture of our life isn't complete without it.
@zirochka