The Interview, the most vital part of securing any job.
Here are ten sure fire ways to to get in, get out and never be invited back again.
Be Late
Being late to the interview may make you look unprofessional and unorganised and sometimes have you sweating like you just run a marathon. If you want to give your interviewer enough time to talk about you negatively before you even arrive, then being late is the number one thing you should do. Grab that extra 10 minuets for breakfast and spend an extra 20 minuets picking an outfit. You can be well fed and fashionably late.
Dress inappropriately
Coming to your job interview under dressed will make you stand out from the rest. Whilst everyone else is dressed in their best office attire, shirts without a single crease and shoes with a shine you can see a reflection in. You could could arrive dressed in your most colourful party outfit, with food stains, and a slight smell of last week to really make a lasting impression.
Be arrogant
Everyone loves confidence, especially hiring managers. Coming across arrogant will help you highlight why you are the best possible candidate for the job. Express why you are the only real candidate, let them know that you don't need to try and yet are still the best.
Why not even let the interviewer know that you can do their job better than them.
Have your phone ring loud
Having your phone ring loud with your 'Panda Marimba' ringtone, surely will grasp the interviewers attention. Phones were made for making connections. Why not even take it to the next level, and answer your phone.
Fidget
Interviews are uncomfortable, It's hard not to fidget. By fidgeting a lot you can put across to a potential employer, that you are full of energy and its trying to escape. Once hired all this energy will be put into working practices and work will always get done.
Feeling sleepy
Staying up late the night before the big interview will allow you to finish watching those last three episodes of that fantastic series. You might even learn something from watching them that will help tomorrow at 8am.
Whilst falling asleep in the interview might seem like you are not interested in the job, It will most likely ensure that you continue your unemployment and overall your ability to stay in bed past 9am.
Swear a little
When there isn't a word that describes it fully, curse.
To add a little extra to your vocabulary, why not throw in the odd f*ck. This can really help emphasize on what you are trying to say. You can even tell them straight out that you are in fact the 'dog's bollocks' when it comes to marketing promotions, it sure beats telling them that your marketing skills are great.
Get personal
So you want to break the ice, get the formalities out of the way, and make the interview more personal. With so many questions being ask for you to answer, you cant help but think of some questions yourself.
You find your interviewer rather attractive. why not ask the personal question of "are you single?" after all you are dressed to impress and looking dapper. I'm sure they will be happy to answer you and even if you don't get the job you may still secure yourself a date.
Bash on your current job
Usually the job interview opens up the chance to talk about your current employment. Do not waste this opportunity to tell your potential new employer how your current employer is useless and that your boss is a complete a d*ck. When hired you can also leave this job and talk in a similar negative way about this employer.
Be all about money
It's all about that money. Why else would you be here. So you are leaving one less paid job in hope to gain extra income in this higher paying job. It makes sense to ask about money. Ask how much you will be paid as your opening question. if it is not enough, ask for more. There is no point wasting time. After all you don't want to work, you just want the money. How much can they pay you?
Following this short guide, you too can master 'the interview' and get that dream job you always wanted. This is of course, if your dream job is having no job at all.
Mr. Jay Jay
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