If it were my younger self, I would be like, "Why are you still awake when others are sleeping?" Like, can you give me a reason why you are awake? This is one question I will keep asking myself till I finally fall asleep.
Growing up, midnight wasn't my thing. "Whose thing was it?" Well, I don't know and I can't tell but I know for me it wasn't, I used to be the type that would get scared at midnight and never open my eyes to see the dark because I'm only meant to behold the light "Don't laugh" That is how scared I was of midnight.
And growing up in a home filled with boys who know your weakness and try to use it against you, my brothers won't say anything scary during the day, all day long we would laugh and make funny jokes, teasing each other, and when the night finally comes that's when something extraordinary will envelop my brothers. They would start talking about scary movies they saw.
Like they've literally seen this movie some time ago, and why talk about it at night, well, I know the reason because I was scared of the dark. And when the night finally comes, those scenes that were spoken of about the movie will start creating some pictures in my head, as if I saw the movie with them.
Often I would wrap myself inside that duvet like my life depended on it. "Hmm," at that moment, I think my life depends on it because I had to sleep till dawn came. The funny thing about all these, even though the house is hot, I don't care. Most times, my mum would come to the room and see me sweating profusely and still being covered inside that duvet, she would drag the duvet from my body, and I would scream.
Then she would look at me and say "See how you are sweating" Do you want to kill yourself self "Well deep down I'm not trying to kill myself, I'm just trying to fight those scary pictures in my head" but she won't understand even if I had told her about it.
I would tell my younger self this: I know you've always been scared of midnight, but looking at it right now, the midnight isn't all you thought it to be. The midnight for me currently is that time of the day when I get to relax and reflect on my daily activities, Sometimes, when I'm bored, I just look for something to read or write down my thoughts and goals for the next day.
I would say midnight is a good time for self-realization and awareness. Sometimes, I think about my mistakes and try to make amends so as not to repeat them. I wish you had known this earlier instead of that scary act that you've always been pulling. Now you know better about the midnight.
Writing this at 2:26am WAT.
Thanks for reading 馃А
