As a girl who grew up with 6 brothers and 1 sister who was barely home, I learnt to be among the boys. It was easy to associate with my brothers and their friends as well as my male cousins. It even earned me the title of my mom's "Half son".
I've grown up with my brothers and I've been told that my mentality grew sort of "male-like". I've never agreed with these ideas of my growth but sometimes, after indulging with other ladies, I can't help but understand the motivation behind these titles.
While growing up, I was instilled with this idea that my life and my destiny are in my hands. It has been hard for me recently to see reasons to adjust with the ideas of the world and society that my destiny can be transferred while I take a break, bear children and look pretty.
Being dependent as a lady is the norm expected. It's never co-habitation. It's always "being taken cared of". While this comes with the idea of comfort, I find it to be disturbing because, in return for my submission of my fate, I have to perform certain activities that are then considered my obligation.
In the few situations where I've tried to not come off as a person who deserves to be treated as an invalid, I've been treated as a person with no sense and thereby been taken advantage of for my "stupidity".
This almost makes me feel like it's all just meant to be one-sided. I'm either meant to submit or submit and be taken advantage of.
No one expects me to own anything of my own. It's why I wore a pretty shirt today and all the ladies around said it just had to be a gift from my boyfriend.
It's why I pay my bills and it isn't regarded because it's assumed and stated that "my man" did it for me. I'm just a figure kept in front to spend whenever I have to.
I'm not expected to understand anything about earning money of my own or having the financial sense to spend when and how I would like.
Recently, a friend called me and told me to spend and do absolutely anything I would like to do because, in the end, everyone's still going to assume I sold my body for the money I have and judge me. I mean, he already said I was being judged and I don't even spend a quarter of what I have.
Being a lady comes with so many difficulties and misunderstandings that we have to battle every day. It's either from other ladies or from men who can't place a finger on why you reject them.
With all these problems and more staying focused comes with an obscene amount of grace. The male gender might consider them and think they are inconsequential and irrelevant, but it's hard to understand when you work for what you have and are regarded for it.
I work and I can't even be congratulated because it's never entirely my doing. It just can't be all me.
In the end, we're told to ignore and keep moving forward.
@kmama