The mid-20s are the most confusing times. Everyone is trying to create something just to be on the safe side when the scary 30s comes and then we keep living in fear to our 40s, 50s and 60s until we die with a life filled with regrets.
There was a tweet I saw yesterday, it said "in your 20s, you're just trying to get through the week, but then it's every week". It's like we're in the early stages of our future and everyone is trying to forge a non-existent path. It's both terrifying and exhilarating. We don't know who's right or who's wrong, we're just doing what we feel is right and trying to make the most of it.
Last year, I lived with my friend for a couple of weeks before I came home. It was a difficult time for me and I saw a future where I knew I wouldn't be happy with any direction I took.
I moved there to get away from home and forge a path for myself. I had a small savings, a laptop and a lot of clothes. I wanted to get a job and live the Abuja baby girl life. My desires were imaginary.
My friend got a job and she had a supportive boyfriend. I didn't have a job or enough money, I was at loggerheads with my parents and I had only support from 1 of my siblings. I needed a solution and I felt like I had run out of options.
I eventually decided to come back home, save money on rent because my parents have a house with 2 empty furnished rooms and 4 incomplete mini studio apartments. I had no reason to waste money with all that comfort lying around.
My friend continued to forge her way alone. I thought she had it all figured out, everyone always seems like they have it all figured out. But no one does.
I spoke to her yesterday and her adulthood aches are the exact things I'm running away from. She spoke about searching for a new apartment before her rent expires in 2 weeks, issues with her parents and siblings not understanding her, her boyfriend being a drag, her landlord threatening her with texts, her boss being a bitch and her life just stressing her entirely.
I thought about telling her that my major problem right now is the fact that I want to go for a full-body wax but my mom wants me to buy a dress for myself instead, but I thought better of it.
I feel like I chose the path of ease and comfort while she decided to face life head-on and maybe her future might be somewhat brighter than mine. I have no problem with that, her win is my win. But then I ask a lot of questions and I can't get an answer.
Do I have to suffer to prove I'm a capable adult or that my future is going to be bright just because I go through trials now? I used to think that suffering was important but I don't know anymore.
I feel like I'm preserving my adulthood ache for the first year after I immigrate. I would hate to go through so much stress to survive in a dying system.
Again, yesterday I got a call from another friend telling me about her adulthood aches as well. She used to be one of my rich friends at the university. However, recently she lost a lot of money and has been unable to recover properly.
She always had the best investment ideas and worked on the funniest projects. She's an entertainer and a photographer.
She called to tell me how tired she was. Her camera has issues and the price to fix it keeps getting unreachable, her friends are pushing her in different directions and she has no idea what she wants anymore. It's kinda the same problem I had a few days ago.
She has no issues with rent and food. She chose the path of comfort like I did and stays in her father's house. However, she feels she has appearances to keep up with that could help her career but she has no energy for it and she feels her wardrobe needs an upgrade.
For an outdoor person like herself, her problems felt spiritual to her. But I had to talk her into thinking for herself and getting the rest her mind needed.
Regardless of how different our situations seem; my friend searching for rent, me needing a spa and my other friend needing a new camera, they all come down to a sense of fulfilment in our 20s. (Mine, not so much, but it still counts).
We all just want to get through this week. However, there's no guarantee that next week holds the key to our sanity either. All we can do is keep going and hope we made the right decisions that help shape our 30s.
Growth is painful.
