I’m lost in my thoughts as I stare at the trees blowing below the balcony, just outside the glass doors. I want to go outside, but if I open the door I might wake Jesse. The wind is quite strong, I’m pretty sure everything light in the room will fly up into the air. We went on our third date last night. Our second date was much like the first one, just a different restaurant and with more hand-holding and hugs. Last night, however, things turned up a bit. I remember all of it, but can’t seem to recall the same feelings I had at that moment, now…
“Then she passed out in my bed, and kept me awake with her sleep talking all night. So yes, she’s more like my baby sister than my older sister. She might be a few years ahead, but she’s a few brain cells behind.”
Jesse smiles widely as he laughs, tightening his arm around my shoulders. We’re closing in on his car parked along the street. He came to pick me up from home, so I guess you could say things are progressing. I smile as I lean into his embrace, taking my purse’s strap off my shoulder to put in the car. He drops his arm to unlock and open the passenger door and holds it open for me. He stares intently at me as I move closer to the door. He has the most beautiful blue eyes, every time I look at them it shocks me. Eye contact is such an uncomfortable thing for me, so when I do look someone straight in the eyes, my intentions are quite sincere. Clearly his intentions reflected something a little more, because the next thing I know he pins me to the side of the open door. His hands find my waist and his lips find mine, in an urgent but swift kiss. His face pulls away to look at me, expecting me to say or do something. I don’t let much time go to waste, I pull his face back to mine, meeting his lips in a fervent kiss. To say that there weren’t a maximum amount of energy radiating between us would be a lie. I think we’ve kept our passion for each other hidden away this whole time, because this is for sure the first time I’m feeling it in its entirety. After some time of this magic he starts kissing my neck. I catch my breath, and I realise that we’re going to have to move this moment to somewhere more private. “Your place?” I whisper. He looks up, with eyes filled with something I remember from my other dates, as well as something else I haven’t seen before… He kisses me again, briefly, and then helps me into the car.
Now it’s over. We’ve spent our first night together. Something definitely clicked between us, but I’m not quite sure what to make of it. I keep picturing our life together. He has a decent job and a good sense for business, his family sounds like low-maintenance, and I’m sure my family will approve of him. He feels like a good guy to try this thing called life with. Or maybe something will come up between us, some sort of deal breaker. My mind is just racing in so many different directions. There’s only one thing I’m certain of; I can’t see him for a while now. Firstly, because I need time. I need to consider him, from many different angles. I need to decide where my own thoughts are about him, because at the moment it’s Lisa, my mother, society, and everyone desperate for me to settle down having a big debate in my head. Since it’s my mind, I’m able to kick some of them out the door, but the echo of their voices still remain. I thus need time from them as well. Secondly, I’m picking Ben up from the airport on Wednesday. I took leave for the last three days of school so that we can get to know each other here in the city. Jesse doesn’t know that Ben exists, and as far as Ben is concerned, my dates with Jesse hasn’t been very fruitful. I thought that Jesse and I might have gone our separate ways by now, but clearly there’s something more this time around.
I look back towards the bed, searching for his face, which was still peacefully sleeping a few minutes ago. His eyes are open, staring at me groggily. He smiles. I smile back, “Good morning, gorgeous.”
“Come back to bed.” He pats the pillow next to him.
“I need to go to work. It’s almost seven.”
He sighs heavily, “I guess I need to as well. Next time, we do this over a weekend.”
I laugh nervously, “Yeah, sorry about cancelling on Saturday. I had a thing with the family.”
I didn’t. I usually have a hunch when these overnight things are going to happen, and then I prefer to wake up and immediately be on my way. Weekday mornings are perfect, because I have the work excuse, and usually so does the guy. It’s sort of a safety net, for when I need to get out fast.
He sits up against the headboard and watches me get dressed, “When will I see you again?”
“This week’s a little hectic at work, with last minute finishes on report cards and meetings upon meetings.” I’m not really lying, it’s true. Only for today and tomorrow though. “And then I’m going on vacation with the family, which happens rarely, so I can’t really tell. Maybe when we come back? I’ll have to give you a call.” I might technically be going on vacation… which I booked for Ben with his own money. If this whole thing turns sour, and Jesse and I actually end up together, I’ll explain the whole thing. I’m sure he’ll understand. The possibility of that happening, I believe, is still very low.
He’s silent after that. I throw my hair into a ponytail and quickly slip on my shoes.
“Thank you for an incredible night.” I smile at him looking all cute between the sheets.
“At least come kiss me goodbye.”
I oblige.
By the time I walk into the house, Kristen is fully dressed, busy boiling the kettle. I smile at her as I walk to my bedroom to get dressed for the day. She shakes her head at me, and takes out a second travel mug.
“Thank you!” I shout, as I slip out of last night’s clothes and find a fresh set.
“How was your night?” she asks teasingly. I finish getting dressed, and move into the kitchen to pack my lunch.
“It was nice.” I smile.
“Clearly.” Kristen nudges me ribs. We laugh together while she finishes our coffees. I zip up my lunch and check the time. I have a few minutes to enjoy my coffee before I need to leave. I walk to the living room to sit down. I sip slowly.
“Kristen.”
She joins me on the couch, “Yes?”
“Ben’s flight is coming in on Wednesday morning. I’m picking him up.”
She almost chokes on her coffee, and sits up straight, staring at me, shockingly, “I thought he’s just thinking about visiting. Why didn’t you tell me?”
I look down at my hands, “Yeah, he told me about a month ago.”
“Before Jesse?”
“Yes, before Jesse. Kind of.”
She sit back, “Oh my god. I can’t believe you’re finally meeting this guy.”
I nod. “I’m terrified.”
“Why? The way you talk about him all the time… you must be thrilled. You guys seem like best friends. It’s actually sometimes a little annoying.”
I start fidgeting with the hem of my shirt, and stare out the window. Looks like it’s going to be one of those breath-taking spring days. The trees are barely moving anymore now, and the sun is beaming from just above the mountain. It fascinates me how quickly a wind can just disappear during the morning hours.
“I guess… I guess it all just seems too good to be true.”
“Him?”
“Our friendship, our relationship, this visit… if it is anything like it is online, but even more intense because it’s in real life… I might lose my mind over this guy. There’s been so many guys, and that’s sort of how I’m realising that Ben might be a once-in-a-lifetime thing.”
Kristen bumps my shoulder with hers, “And why are you scared of that? That’s what we’re all looking for! You might have found your exit from mediocrity! Take it! This is what you’ve been wanting, isn’t it?”
“Maybe I need mediocrity.” I mumble, thinking about my night with Jesse.
Kristen takes a big gulp from her coffee and stands up, looking down at me. “You can start your mediocre life in ten years’ time. Right now, you’ve got to take one for the team. You have to give this a chance. For yourself, and for me.”
“We’ll have to see what happens.”
She smiles, “Your life is suddenly so exciting. I’m loving this.”
“Yeah, nothing for years, and now two at the same time.”
“Which makes it so much more dramatic!” she teases, laughing on her way back to the kitchen. “You better get going, school starts in ten minutes.”
“Oh shit!!” I hastily stumble to grab my things, wish Kristen a good day and bolt out the door. Wednesday will probably roll along sooner than I expect. Let’s see what happens.
