Source: (Image by brgfx on Freepik)
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Once upon a time, there was a young boy.
This boy was filled with hope, joy and he had the brightest smile.
He lightened up every room he entered and spread cheerfulness to everyone he met...

And then this boy entered University and he became dead inside.

I am the boy,
the boy is me.

School sucks,
and I'm not just saying that because I'm writing exams.
School genuinely sucks.
Everytime I think "this is the worst, it can't get any worse than this." It somehow finds a way to get worse.

School sucks so bad that you can clearly see the difference between seniors and freshers (newbies).
Just look into the eyes, freshers still have joy in their eyes.
Look into the eyes of seniors and all you'd see is a pool of emptiness and darkness staring back at you.

"But Maximus, school can't be that bad, surely you're exaggerating...." You say

I assure you dear reader, it is that bad.

At least my school is:

Sun that burns away your calories and complexion and will to live.

Lecturers that make you want to ambush them somewhere and beat them up

and exams that threaten to take your life.

And that was just today.

Now imagine spending 5 full years with these conditions,

You know what,
I think I have superpowers because I don't know how I've not run mad.
If you've wondered why I've not been active for a long time, it's this freaking school.
It takes so much time to just be a student
And being a student kinda sucks.

Call me elastic man, because I dey undergo stress mehn.

Through all these ruminations about how school sucks,
I came across some scenarios on the internet that sparked some light in me.

Do you know there's a way you can pass exams without having to write a single thing?

Even better, do you know there's a way you can graduate without having to write any more exams??

Well I'm here to enlighten you,
It's time for the breakdown that will prevent school from breaking us down.

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SOLUTIONS TO ACADEMIC PAIN

1. PASS BY CATASTROPHE

Now this might seem like an extreme exaggeration, but there's actually a lot of truth to it.

It's a law called "pass by catastrophe"

What it basically means is; if something happens to the physical structure of the school, like it burning down or a tornado destroying everything or other kinds of catastrophe, All current students immediately graduate with a bachelor's degree.

Isn't that convenient
Isnt that just the most convenient thing you've ever heard?

So all that needs to happen is for my school to just kaboom and everyone will be free??

Excuse me while I make arrangements for a few hundred gallons of petrol.
And it's definitely not because I'm planning to burn down my school,

of course not,
I would never do that.
never.

unrelated, but if you're reading this and you know where I can get TNT, please let me know.

2. GIVE UP

Just dropout
Think about it
I mean think deeply about it

is all this stress really worth it
School kicks our balls physically, emotionally, mentally and most importantly financially

Why not just drop out

Mark Zuckerberg did it
Bill gates did it

You can do it too

I mean sure, they went to Harvard and are super geniuses that already had backing from big people

but you have... the power of friendship

so you're just like them

Dropout,
be free,
Leave this pain once and for all.

You might be wondering what to do after dropping out,

Well
that's actually not my problem

I'm here to help you escape academic pain.
what happens after is your personal business.

Before I go,
nobody should even try and ask me why I'm not following my own advice

remember,
coaches don't play...

so shut up.

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