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So I've never written a blog before. I never really saw the point to be honest.
I always thought it was a little self masturbatory, to write about myself in some sort of public setting. To put my thoughts/ feelings/ details of the rash that won't go away, on to the internet. This blog will reflect that.
Instead, I'm going to write about awesome shit I do.
It will also contain abrasive opinions on anything and everything, especially about politics, the mongol empire and business.
But first, let me tell you a story;
I spent a year living in Los Angeles going to drama school (2012-13) and it was fucking awesome. The Aussie dollar was really high then, I remember before I left I went to the bank to put some money on to a travel card. With $15,000 AUD I ended up with roughly $16,200 USD (The same amount today would get only $10,500 USD) this was my spending money, meant to last me about 6 months. I managed to drag it out for 9 weeks.
The main reason I burned through it so quick was because L.A is fucking awesome!
I was going out constantly, causing a ruckus, drinking a helluva lot of Jack Daniels, making friends, hitting on women and just generally loving life. I also met a bunch of other Aussies there too.
Australians have probably the best sense of humour in the world. We can take the piss out of our mates and laugh at ourselves like no one else, but the real magic comes from our ability to bullshit to foreigners.
This one evening, I'd gone out to a bar on my own because it was a Tuesday. I was sitting at the bar, replacing my blood with Jack Daniels, and struck up a conversation with a nice American bloke. Before too long, he asks me what is probably my favourite question to hear as an Aussie, "Do you all really ride kangaroos?".
"Nah mate, Kangaroos are for drop kicks. I tie a couple of wombats to my feet and use them like rollerskates". I laugh and take a drink.
"Wow, you Aussies are wild. Do you wrestle crocodiles too?" He's playing along, it's a good laugh, right?
"I mean, yeah, but it's not as big a deal as everyone makes it out to be. It's just part of our initiation to manhood." I'm being completely serious with him. He looks at me stunned.
"What do you mean?" he's perplexed.
"Well, as a boy growing up in Australia, when you turn thirteen you're supposed to go out into the bush with your dad, or whoever your father figure is, and spend the day wrestling crocodiles. You don't come home until you've learned to wrestle them on your own."
"Ok, now I know you're talking shit!" he says, with a nervous laugh.
"Nah, no shit mate. We call it a Croc-mitzvah" A lie detector machine couldn't catch me.
Just as he's about to call bullshit again, some Australian legend pipes up from the other end of the bar. He'd been listening in on the whole conversation. I want to clarify, I had never met this man and had no idea he was Aussie.
"Oi mate! Are you talking about Croc-mitzvahs?"
"Yeah!"
"Strewth! I had to wait til I was fourteen to do mine coz me dad wasn't around!"
Needless to say, that poor American bloke had no option but to believe us.
I never saw that true Aussie hero from the bar again, but if you're out there mate, you're a bloody legend.