I went a bit quiet on the updating on the 21 day no swearing challenge. I failed much. Failure was getting to me a little bit. To the point where I was like ok I am going to explore saying my every swear with even more enthusiasm now - so that's what I've been doing for the last number of days. Basically, just really giving a 'fuck' every time I use an "f" here or an "f" there - really making sure it is 100% the word I wish to express/exercise/deploy/plant/stamp.
The challenge is still with me. The goal remains the same - string 21 days together of speaking my each and every word with awareness - not allowing myself to speak a "fuck" or a "shit" is a deliberate restraint as these words are come out of me with such ease and vigor. The idea being, that if I can deliberately not use them - I am really the master of my own words.
I did not expect this challenge to in fact challenge me so intensely. It's been a really fascinating investigation - shows me how I've had some attachment issues in moments where I recognized I wanted to use particular language to express/convey/explain things in a certain way....where there's been an emotion/feeling urge to speak in particular ways in particular moments - where it's like I already know and what I got is things aligned already a certain way. It's interesting because there is a point of "letting go" that I've been resistant about here - it's been mostly hiding - like this in the background "control" point within me and my thinking....where it's like, "not wanting to let go of me in thinking and when I have a line that I really want to say"...my "fucks" and "shits" has really exposed this to me for me - Like I really value my "fucks" and "shits" and it's like difficult for me to let go of using them.
What I am seeing is that I've formed an emotional dependency of sorts on utilizing both "fuck" and "Shit". So deliberately restraining a fuck and shit....each time it's like facing a suppressed emotion or feeling that has been kind of compartmentalized within a generalized experience within myself....
The experience of this challenge is that I am hacking my own mind...like my own codes are being challenged to the utmost of my potential and this is strictly a matter of word regard. It's interesting because I am exploring the tentacles of my mind as like how I think in fact and how I make decisions to in fact communicate/express myself. I am tuning way in to the things that are all too often just accepted as being unconscious and beneath the surface.
In some ways I think I really needed to explore "fucking up" in this challenge - to be really comfortable with making miss takes...not to deliberately fuck myself or anything....but to get to know and understand the compromising bits of myself and how the various patterns work. it's in understanding all the fuck-ups that we are all able to create the best solutions and ways forward.
By understanding how things will not work - we learn how to structure things in a way that does work.
To be continued
Previous Posting:
Mutual Consequences and Relationships - Part 2
Mutual Consequences - Relationships
What Is Most Important In and As Life?
Cheers to STEEM POWER and this ongoing incredible world wide social experiment!
Decentralized Media Broadcasting is the Future - Sharing Because You Want to
FREE - UNIVERSAL BASIC INCOME - WEEKLY CRYPTOCURRENCY PAYOUT
- What I like about this social experiment, is the fact that it's success is directly dependent on ordinary people everywhere - where there's a willingness to say,
"Yes - I accept a weekly payment for being a human being to cover my basic costs of Existing Here."
@worldclassplayer