A few weeks ago I wrote an essay for a job application that I had stalled a long while before writing. It seemed like a fun job, the requirement was just to write creatively, no experience needed and a good pay. Quite fair for a remote job if you ask me. I quickly put the application on my to-do list, I was going to do it, I just didn't know when.
I used to actively search for jobs but I just got tired because they were mostly shitty jobs anyway. It's good to start from somewhere I know, but I wouldn't want a job where I'd hate my life and get paid peanuts. I might not be as desperate as I thought. All I do now is copy the job links to my clipboard lying to myself I'd open them later. That's how this particular job application I was really interested in got swamped in the multitude of job links I had saved. I couldn't find it anymore and forgot about it until a few days later when I came across the job ad somewhere else.
I wrote the essay and it was so much fun doing it. I read it out to myself and thought, 'This is it! They're gonna love it'. I clicked the apply button and got a disappointing 'Application Closed'. Damn. The one job I was interested in for the first time in a while gone and it was totally my fault. Why do I procrastinate?, I asked myself. Am I really just lazy or always distracted by other things? Why do I sometimes not prioritize things that are important to me? I mean, I actually was excited at the thought of that job but I didn't send my essay in on time.
I thought back to the job ad, the essay, and how I felt when I saw the topic to write on, then I realized the problem. I was scared. In that moment I became so unsure of my abilities and doubted I could do what they asked. I only put it off for later because I just didn't think whatever I'd write would be good enough. It wasn't me being lazy or too busy with other activities, I just didn't trust myself at that moment. This is the same case for every other project I procrastinate, I always talk myself down, very subtly by the way, and end up not doing it.
The irony of it all is when I eventually got the balls to write the essay it was so easy and came naturally. I had stressed and doubted unnecessarily for something I would have done if I had just started. Now I know better, just start and it'd come to you. Stop being afraid, you can and will do this!
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