After 10 years, me and my girl took a break.
We couldn't handle anymore the fact I couldn't reach her, I didn't knew where to push all my feelings toward to, so I decided to put all the words on here, just because I feel like it.
I'm not a famous person, or a loved one on the internet, so why you should care about it? It always happen, and to everyone at least once in their life.
We had 10 wonderful years, even if we just had a relationship via internet. Probably the most durature SecondLife relationship ever made.
My family totally relieved their brains off this problem, because they constantly pushed away the fact I wanted to go there, but for me, from now on, it will start not only sadness but even loneliness.
I'm not able to create a relationship if it doesn't starts from the web. I know, I'm selfesteemed more than 10 yrs ago, but I don't feel like I'm able to change all my habits. We had this precious feeling where we called ourselves with so stupid names that anyone would laugh, but for me, hearing or just reading those stupid names relieved me from an entire day of pain of "work" or anything I did during that day.
Now, who will feed me with stupid words and wonderful ideas? Who will push me toward my goals, I'm just an idiot writing this, and nobody should read this apart of me. No, I maybe won't push the "POST" button, I will leave it here, I will stare at these words, hoping something will change.
Nothing is changing. So I will just post it, 29 yrs man that is crying during a sad post of his life. I cried only once for a relationship that broke my heart, and it's been 12 yrs ago. My family blamed me for crying like a kid for a breakup via a phone. And now here I am, same situation, via the internet, and nobody cares. Why should you?
I have a big hole right in the stomach, like if someone shooted me twice and stabbed me in the back. I feel like I'm dying. My life won't be the same... at this point someone would attempt to...destroy himself... a person that worked so hard toward a goal, and realizes one day that the goal he wants to reach it won't ever be reached. I'm a failure of man and you can't prove me wrong.
I will just sit here, and wait for the events. I will just, cry, and feel like the deep shit I'm as a man. Try to deny the fact I didn't worked hard for it. Try to tell me, You are an adult, you can make your own decisions. I wish I could have my own decisions.
I'm just a puppet handled by it's family. A worthless man that belongs to his past failures.
I've made so many mistakes in my life, maybe one day I will realize what I'm missing or what a wonderful person I'm missing aside me, I would understand if it was 2 yrs...3 yrs...but 10. She could have me kicked out earlier, and be like, come here or go to hell and never show your face again infront of I will pull out all your teeth and I will throw you in a trashcan.
Now excuse me, I'll go to bed and cry.