Enough With Your Smelly Hedge and Untidy Walls
Dear Jack,
I have always felt frustrated living near to you. You are the most mocking neighbour a person could ever meet.
Therefore, you must understand how difficult it has been for me to approach you with this matter.
I'm afraid I can no longer stand your loud music.
I lay in bed last night, trying to sleep, and all I could think about was how your hedge is too smelly and your walls way too untidy. I had a nightmare that you burst in through the window brandishing a hedge trimmer
I have to insist that you take action to stop your loud music from upsetting me. I demand that you give up drum playing then give up drum playing.
And while we're on the matter, I'm finding your loud music increasingly inexcusable. This is not the kind of behaviour I expect from somebody living in a pleasant neighbourhood like Little Oaks.
If you don't rectify the situation I shall have no choice but to call the fire brigade and post photos of your loud music on Pinterest.
Furthermore, I have close ties with the mob and I won't be be afraid to cash in a few favours if you don't comply with my demands.
Thanks
wisecrack