When you think of intimacy, what may immediately come to mind is physical attraction and contact. And that is a huge component of what it means to be intimate. But as important as physical intimacy is, there is so much more to the full meaning of intimacy. It is in fact the central feature of every committed relationship, encompassing a strong emotional, psychological, and spiritual connection, along with the physical or at least it should be. For sure, intimacy is usually very strong at the beginning of any new relationship. We are deeply attracted, even intoxicated with the other person. Intimacy of this kind is the height of romance and fantasy. We think of our beloved day and night and can’t seem to get enough of them. We are interested in everything they do and say and can’t seem to do enough for them.
Shake it up.
Over time, it’s inevitable that life falls into a pattern of routine and “same old, same old.” It’s easy to fall into behaviors that are reliable, steady, and boring as well. So it’s important to change it up from time to time to alter our thinking, provide a new perspective, and create interest and excitement. It may be a now-and-then occurrence, such as going on vacation or taking a course or workshop together. It may be cooking some meals with each other or reading a book and discussing it. Change is the natural way of life, and initiating it on your own may breathe new life into the existing situation.
Make couple time.
This time needs to be totally separate from your daily life, careers, and children. This is time carved out to reconnect, relax, enjoy each other, and do whatever you deem most important and/or interesting. It may take the form of a weekly or monthly date night, or going away for an intimate weekend. Or it may be as simple as making time at the end of the day to sit together, discussing anything from the day or any important topic moving forward in your lives, listening to music, or being physically intimate.
Have regular meaningful conversations.
Keep the lines of communication open. Stay up-to-date; people and situations are always changing, even subtly. Make time to discuss crucial issues that affect you both. Honor your partner’s personal feelings. Allow them to share the most intimate parts of themselves. Listen to their concerns and encourage them to express their fears, hopes, and dreams. And allow yourself to be open and vulnerable to your partner. Let them help you navigate your own personal issues and problems.
Talk about your relationship.
What makes your relationship work? What makes your connection hold? Tell your partner what you feel about them on a regular basis. Do things continue to feel good between you, or do you need to work on certain issues? The inability to communicate about certain key issues, or maintaining silence when something bothers you about your partner may contribute to resentment and anger and drive a wedge into your relationship. Clear the air frequently. Invite discussion about just the two of you. Remember that an ongoing intimate relationship is incredibly complex and needs constant maintenance to sustain it.
