When I read (edit read) it myself and read your comment (Water/Fire Dragon) it sounds a little childish< but in the whole setting of this story it should be acceptable. But you did get me re-reading with multiple mindsets which is really helpful.

I know I should use those quotes but I was trying to hide the fact it was a long monolog. I do still think that punctuation ( paragraphs and white lines) makes or brakes the readability of a story so I very much appreciate the punctuation improvement suggestions.

BTW I really think your way of criticizing is so nice and open showing the whole range of options and not fencing with good and bad. Really great and respectful.