When I was a kid, I used to fantasize about the end of the world. I didn’t get off on the ides of pain or suffering but something about being there to see it, knowing that every problem would soon be “solved” felt so romantic.
Since then, I’ve experienced no less than 2 end of the world scenarios. I can say with certainty that I no longer have any romantic notions about the end of days, but there isn’t still something about chaos that excites me, though it’s very different from before.
i promise I’m not sadistic, image link
Before it was a violent desire for catharsis. I had so much frustration and I wanted it banished. Apocalyptic situations were a perfect metaphor for such catharsis and so I often daydreamed. When I actually faced death I was beyond terrified. But from facing death a lot of that fear has been released, and I’m much more balanced and clear because of it.
This is why I’m still attracted to chaos. I’m much more discriminating about the kind of chaos I enjoy now. I prefer chaos where nobody gets hurt and where people are invited to go through the same kind of transformation I went through thanks to it. I’m talking about markets crashing, about power outages in areas where resources are abundant enough. I’m talking about losing large sums of money when you still have optinions. I’m talking about breakups and getting fired. I’m talking about extreme weather that’s not quite extreme enough to be dangerous, but close. Things that FEEL like the end of the world when they are anything but.
I love these situations because I can feel people grow from them, and sometimes help them along. It’s also fascinating to see how people act in situations you don’t often get to see. I enjoy watching them get very serious and trying to cheer them up. I love laughing out maniacally when I hear others talk as if it’s the end of the world, while meanwhile their bodies are safe and well fed. If they want to go deeper, we can go deeper. If not, let them think I’m a maniac. I’m going to try to keep doing what I can do, staying calm, making good decisions and enjoying life, regardless of what things look like at any given moment. If I can share that with anyone else, great.
Have an awesome day.
