I used to wonder about these kind of things a lot, but now that I'm quite old I look back and see it was just life I was living and that perhaps it could not have been any other way; and maybe it's karma, or maybe it's something else, but whatever, it's done and can't now be made in any other way. Such is life one might say; and as John Lennon said: life is what happens to you while you busy making other plans...