I've been writing down what I feel about that for decades, but now, I'm vanquished. Guilt is a strange fruit that burns a lot of nights to leave you exhausted, and for all intents and purposes has no place in enlightenment or living in the now for real, but many go through it, and get to the other side feeling relief to have survived it.
It’s a dark place to be caught in where no real purpose is served except to find how far you are from clarity.