I read an article with the question "How do you spend your spare time". In this case, the author was gardening, more specific growing cucumbers.
If you ask me what I do in my spare time I can only say "I have no spare time, never had any spare time". For the same reason, I do not have spare time I am never bored. My entire life I have been working. Gardening isn't something I do in my spare time but something I need to do, it's work. To me, it is work just like cleaning the house, doing the laundry, going out for groceries and fixing the walls. Everything I have to do is work and has nothing to do with relaxing, killing time or doing what I like to do most.
I always multitask, schedule my time and in between I try to do what I like to do. In reality, scheduling time to have "fun", sport or go out is not relaxing. If you need to schedule and before you leave to arrange a lot of things to make it happen the fun is gone. Some say it's important to relax, go out, meet friends but in real life, the life of a single mother with children this is not realistic and it is far from relaxing.
The fact is to be able to work you need a babysitter or your children should have to be old enough to visit school.
If you work you need to be back home in time because the babysitter wants to go home or you need to pick up your children.
Once back home you can not sit down with your feet on the table but you need to spend time with your children. You ask about their day, need to wash them, cook dinner, eat together and tell a bedtime story or help with homework. Once they are off to bed dishes need to be washed, there's laundry waiting for you and the toilet needs to be cleaned. If you have pets you need to take care of them too. Single mothers have no spare time. They are always busy and cannot say "my working hours are over it's time for my hobby," or "I'm off to the gym".
Administration waits for you and you cannot go out for a drink with colleagues after working hours. You need to watch your steps because your employer won't appreciate it if you stay home if you feel ill or your children are sick. Men, fathers can but women can not.
On those rare occasions, you go out you have to make arrangements and do house chorus at 5 a.m. You need a babysitter or have to leave your children home alone. At the moment you leave you are exhausted. Tired of waking up early, doing house chorus before you leave to work and once home you have not one minute for yourself. Even if you visit the toilet there's always someone behind that door talking to you, asking for your help. Once out, away from home, you hope everything works out fine and your phone doesn't ring.
I haven't been watching tv for decades because I am always busy and sitting on the couch waiting for a film to continue in between all those commercials I consider as a waste of time. The time I can use better by helping my children, showing up at schools at night to hear what the teacher has to tell, by doing my administration and sending the urgent letter or... go to bed before midnight instead of at 2 or 3 a.m. and waking up at 6 a.m.
I have always been active, even was overactive because that's what single mothers with a job (I had two) are. They are active, multitasking and compensate. They try to compensate in a way the time they can not spend with their children. So no matter how tired this single mom as she was present each time there was some celebration at school. She even helped to organize it. She travelled with her children around the world, took them out to the cinema, the theatre and even Disneyland. Not that she always felt to it, because she didn't like to stay home with a book in the hot tub but because she wanted her children to have a life, to have life experiences and to be able to celebrate. I tried hard, very hard to make my children feel they are wanted, liked and are not different from other children because their mom is single and has a job instead of laying on the couch being bored.
My friends... they are right. I did and do way more for my children than most couples do. I do not regret it but I wish I would have taken it all more easily. If you sleep only 3-4 hours max for over twenty years you are not getting out of it more healthy. It took me years till I decided no longer to show up at schools for every little thing a teacher calls important. If you are a mother for such a long time you notice no matter which school they never bring something new.
It's the same with work. I always went no matter how I felt. There have been times I was so sick I had to lie on the floor in my office, as I arrived at work, for an hour till I felt better to sit behind my desk. For many years I worked extra without being paid and had no vacations. Each school vacation I had to find a babysitter and believe me it's a relief if you can take your child with you to the office or if your children grow older.
Spare time? There never been any for me and till today there is not and I still don't know how to relax, drink a cup of tea and do nothing. I hope one day I can, I can just sit there and watch out of the window and do nothing. Totally nothing. If you ask me that's how spare time should be. No hurry, no worry, having all the time in the world.
