💼 CHAPTER 6 — RECOVERED FILE: DIARY OF A HYDROCRAT OFFICIAL
Status: Classified / Accidentally Declassified / Immediately Reclassified
Author: Martin Larmefort, Level 7 Analyst-Accountant, Secretariat for Controlled Thirst
Period: Year H2O-52
Preface Note: Document found on a forgotten floppy disk inside a SECRET® vending machine (Vengeance-6000 model)
📅 DAY 1 – Thirst Is Value-Added
First day at the High Authority.
They handed me an access card, an empty glass, and a manual titled:
"How to Tell a Free Droplet from an Act of Terrorism."
Orientation meeting: We learned that non-commercialized water is now classified as a "wild" substance, on par with anarchy or uncalibrated strawberries.
A superior told me with a smirk:
"Here, we don’t manage resources. We manage scarcity."
📅 DAY 7 – Launch of the "Dry Baby Dry" Educational Program
Schools received the first batches of SECRET® Baby Prime™ smart bottles.
Every cry triggers a micro-payment from parents.
"Learn thirst from the cradle," says the slogan.
I suggested in the meeting that this was… maybe a bit much.
My badge was deactivated for 24 hours due to "insufficient hydro-systemic enthusiasm."
📅 DAY 13 – Briefing on the Passive Hydration War
Tensions are rising with countries refusing to install nasal humidity meters.
SECRET® now funds "Targeted Evaporation Operations™" via geo-climatic satellites.
They call it:
"Preventive Hydroneutralization."
Weather forecasts increasingly resemble military warnings.
📅 DAY 21 – New Product Presentation
They did it.
SECRET® VOID™:
A perfectly empty bottle, marketed as a "spiritual experience of inner thirst."
Limited edition, $800 apiece.
Sold out in 2 minutes.
The marketing department was awarded the Cross of Economic Absurdity by the Ministry of Irrational Commerce.
📅 DAY 29 – Dissolution of the Concept of Public Water
A new decree was signed:
Water can no longer be used without a transaction.
Even tears must now be declared as "unauthorized fluid emissions."
A colleague burst into tears at the announcement. He received a 43-credit fine.
📅 DAY 31 – Meeting a Resistor
A man slipped me a note on the metro:
"The tap still exists. Join us. Free Throat."
That night, I drank tap water for the first time in 6 months.
It tasted… like betrayal, fear, and freedom.
📅 DAY 34 – Reality Has Been Acquired
Latest government announcement:
SECRET® has officially purchased the Ministry of Truth, the weather, and… God.
Faith will soon be a premium option, billed monthly via SECRET® ChurchPay™.
The spiritual campaign slogan is simple:
"BELIEVE™ — Only if you’re subscribed."
📅 DAY 36 – Final Entry
They’ve read my journal. I’ve been summoned for tomorrow.
I suspect my bottle is bugged.
I’ve started refusing to drink.
Thirst keeps me lucid.
They won’t win.
End of entry.
Winners SECRET and ECU
