Yeah I've heard it being described as a spiral, so it looks like you're back where you started or going backwards but you're not. I'm not totally sure either.

I'm just very very grateful that I have my family in this and that we sorted out our issues prior to this so we support one another and they see through the lies. My sister is seeing more truth now because the mainstream has become too illogical. If I didn't have them I'd be very vulnerable.

I agree with what you said about trying to help people who are potentially open to the information. It's a psychological war and I'm just trying to help who I can. That reminds me of when I was doing vegan outreach years ago, we had a similar approach.

I get frustrated because I try to find time and energy to put into my writing/art and the ocd and just trying to take care of myself even eats it up so sometimes I'm too tired to work on those things and I fall behind my own schedule.
For long periods of time I have just been concerned with survival and surviving my mind so I'm glad that I do get the opportunity to work on those things again now though I wish I was more productive. I think you do a lot more than me.
It's weird because I have also learnt a lot from the ocd. It made me more empathic because you don't know what other people are going through and helped me to find my own inner strength more.

You mentioned something about not valuing health until you have experienced sickness and that hits home for me. I had health problems at 16 and although I am extremely fortunate that I managed to heal them, the experience kind of led to the ocd, so I feel while I got my physical health back better than it had been, I lost my mental health. Not that I didn't value my health beforehand, I have always been interested in health, interested in vegetables and herbs since I was a kid
and even stopped using fluoride in toothpaste and stuff like that when I was 15. I have become much healthier eating vegan. When I stopped eating meat my body kind of detoxed the first month. Then when I went vegan I discovered all these new foods, like peanut butter and tofu, except the first couple of times the tofu came back up, maybe body adjusting I don't know. I stayed away from soy for a few years after that.

Although in recent years the ocd has affected my physical health in that I'm not as strong as I was when I was running around Melbourne, wearing myself out or riding my bike. And I miss going rollerblading but the rink is very into the covid measures so no.

You sound as if you are working on a lot of interesting things now though.
Ah ok. Thanks for catching up. Hope you and your family are well 🙂