Jun 7
I came across a movie at night starring Val Kilmer. He was from an old movie called Willow I had watched some time ago and I was thinking of him as good looking. I thought it would be an interesting show but it turned out to be very stupid. The role he played was even a bit perverted. Even good looking men are pervs! Why? It's not fair! Ah I am just trying to say that it's another reminder for me that I shouldn't talk to boys and men.
Jun 10
Dad let me use the internet at work again. I met a girl from Australia who was 13. She asked something about period and whether I wear a bra. I could not understand why. But apart from that chatting was fun. She likes Britney Spears and S Club 7. Her nickname was Cutie. But then she left. I cleaned up when back home and moved the couch in my room. I watched the Anne Frank movie a little but again. Then I went to take a bath and there I read while thinking about how I want to pierce my ears and about Anne. I can't put it into words but I felt good. Like there is nothing else that I need and nothing but now exists.
P.S. I think I got it! It's the feeling of being carefree and like there is nothing I have to be thinking about it. Such an interesting feeling. At the same time there is some sadness too. Anne Frank has some magical powers! I so should go to Amsterdam when I grow up! The hiding place where the diary was written is located there.
Jun 12
After school and homework I decided to stick up some curtains over my couch that I sleep on. I found a heap of old sheets and chose some. Looks gorgeous!
At night I watched the movie called Basketball Diaries until 12. About bad boys. Who steal and do drugs and dirty stuff. Some bits were too scary or disgusting to watch. But overall I liked the movie. I think it's because I liked the boys' friendship. Thy were such good friends! I am a little jealous. I do write that I don't need friends but I mean that I cannot imagine what it would have been like to have a lot of friends. If I could start everything from scratch, it would have been nice to have friends.
Jun 13
At night I called mum because dad was meant to but he didn't come home. Mum had such a voice!! When I told her that dad is at a friend's watching soccer she got very disappointed for some reason. I really don't understand why. Why are we so bad at understanding each other? And for some reason I had tears streaming down as we spoke. I think it's because I felt very sorry for mum. About the way she has been raised and maybe a little because she is my mum. I love mum when she is happy and is smiling. She used to be like that some long time ago. It is a pity she has changed so much.
I enjoyed my bed so much tonight again! I opened the window, put some music on and it was amazing! Even just thinking that I have curtains over the bed made me feel happy.
I really want to do diving after all. I mean diving off a board. I had tried just a little in the past and I loved it. It feels like you are flying. I need to convince dad because I only have this year left.
Jun 14
When I got to my English class today I decided to go look for the ducks (about 6 ducks had run away about 2 weeks ago). To make it more fun I called Aya and then a few other kids decided to join us. We girls stuck together and the boys ran away somewhere else. We did not find the ducks but caught a bunch of baby frogs (it was the first time of me touching a frog!) and went back. We got into a large rice field, full of mud, next door to the house. Turned out the boys were still out and when we went back out release the frogs, the boys came running back saying they have found the ducks and they needed our help. We ran to the spot in our gumboots and a hoop-net. The field the ducks were in was about 30 by 30 metres. We surrounded them and waited. But the ducks just sat in the middle and it was impossible to reach them You cannot just walk across a rice field. The teacher caught up to us too. And then the owner of the field came out and started yelling at our teacher. I did not really listen to it so I don't know what for but it definitely wasn't fair! And it was kind of all my fault. I did not feel guilty about attempting to catch the ducks but I did feel awkward. Because it was originally my idea! Of course, most of all I was angry with that guy! What was wrong with trying to catch the ducks?
