No, it's not about the 90's song of The Course. This is about December Holidays, the time of the year when I like to hide under a big rock. Christmas has been a time of huge contrasts. Almost every year the Christmas eve is a nightmare and the days after turn into a relief. This year I tried to beat the curse. Let's say, it was 'different' this edition...
The rock
I was suppose to be on a hot roadtrip back to the south of Europe and maybe further. Dropped off Vin Diesel for a full check-up and repair, ready to hit the road. Well, as you might know by now...it looks more like a big rock hit him. Still in the garage, after a mechanic hit the van with a beer truck. At the moment, the insurance thinks the damage is over 12,000 euro's and it's not much worth anymore. Instead of a proper replacement van, I received a Smart. But hey, it was a Smart Cabrio. Meta even helped me with their algorithm and spammed some tutorial movies on my screen, how to camp in a Smart...in German. Perfect. I decided to pay my old lonely mom a surprise visit, but not with this tin can. The update was a Mercedes family car. The good thing, I could finally speed a bit on the German highway. And after that, I will hide under a rock. If this situation was already a warmup for Christmas?...
Prepared for the worst
Although I like 'worst' a lot, but only because the word is similar to the Dutch translation of 'sausage'. I randomly visited some friends. I could finally show my outfit that I was suppose to wear 4 years ago, but Christmas got cancelled many times because we all know why. I asked if there was an ugly Christmas sweater night again and they confirmed there was an afternoon drink. I arrived, a bit of a different scenery these days...babies, new boyfriends etc. I was wearing a green longsleeve with the most ugly Christmas tie. One with a reindeer, it was kind of a fluffy one. But this thing was probably designed for kids, because I was chocking in the elastic band around my neck. Well, last time we had this meetup I was wearing a kids sweater. I bought something lastminute in XL-size, but this woolen ugly Christmas Pug Sweater was produced in some cheap factory in Asia and it looked more like a crop top. Anyway, my friend and newcomers were asking why I only had this freaking tie. I went to the kitchen to give my buddy a bag of tasty nuts, and told him my new boyfriend also took a few nuts...
Boyfriend? What the fuck are you telling me now?!
I told him a good old friend came out of the closet after all these years.
And now he is your boyfriend?
Well, he got into my pants and at some point I went in balls-deep.
You what?! Your sausage (worst)?!
I unbuttoned my pants and let it drop... There he is, Rudolph!
A fluffy Christmas boxershort with a golden reindeer face.
Who wants a golden shower, anyone? I asked.
There were some little kids and babies in the room. So, the second introduction to Rudolph was less vulgar. My ex was also in the room with her new husband, it was fun to take my pants down again...while no one could get really angry about it.
After having some stories about what happened on their couch in the past during Christmas, it was enough. Time to go home. Oh wait, I don't have a home at the moment.
I visited my mom in the evening. Christmas dinner was nothing more than a fried chicken filet from the oven. Nothing special. Mom was sick and went to bed early.
Christmas and the homeless
Next day, one of my Dutch friends living in Portugal sent me a message. "Merry Christmas Dad!" Uhm, I can't remember that I have kids somewhere... It was a wrongly sent message. Funny enough they were in The Netherlands, and only 5 minutes away from my location. Let's meetup. It became a day full of screaming kids. My Christmas dinner this day? A ready-to-eat salad in the car, while it was dark, rainy and windy outside. Late in the evening I returned to my temporary place to stay: mom.
I have the key, she knew I was coming in late. But, the house turned into a fucking fort. All doors locked with extra safety locks. Probably afraid someone would get the Elvis Presley collection. I knocked on the doors, all windows and tried to call...for half an hour. No response. This means, sleeping in the car. Pretty cold at some point and no comfort. It's the most wonderful time of the year. I wanted to hide right, in my car.
Vin Vin Vino
Luckily, there are more Dutch friends from Portugal in the Netherlands. My hive-buddy 
Survived
I did manage to survive Christmas without some serious incidents, wow. I went full speed with 190 km/ph to Germany and also survived that. I went to an ENT doctor in Cologne, because in my own country it's not possible to make an appointment with my house doctor for months. I can write a long topic about the healthcare system in The Netherlands, but I will keep it short for now. 2 hours in a waiting room between coughing people, after all the sick around me last weeks it would be a miracle not to get sick. Finally, my turn... I was invited to sit on this leather spaceship chair and on the left there was the Vietnamese doctor with huge glasses and on the right a cabinet full of horrific tools. It reminded me of my tour along medieval dentists in Vietnam, some years ago. It made me shiver. When she entered my throat (yes, it sounds a bit the other way around right), she asked my to sing with a high tone. WTF?! Maybe I was a bit shy to sing that high or was it just the stick in my throat? Since 2020 I managed to avoid to testing facilities, but this time they entered my nose holes and throat deeply. It reminded me of my van Vin Diesel, which was also intruded unwantedly. And now he is facing all these sharp tools. Our year ended with having nightmare. Or did I just watched too many horror movies and torture?
Surviving December was also being surprised every day by this personal adVINCE calender, made by my GF...gave most of the days a funny start. Except the day when I received a bag of sprouts. The cleaning lady still finds some of them under the furniture. I don't like bitter stuff.
Boom boom boom
NYE I didn't plan anything. Just spend some time with my GF on the balcony, watching fireworks. Yes, also in Germany it's normal to buy and light fireworks. Although the Dutch government tries to let us believe, The Netherlands is the only country in the world where people still light fireworks (and they want to forbid it). It was a good view...boom boom everywhere. I took the JBL Extreme and entered the room with The Outhere Brothers playing "Boom Boom Boom" and the party started. Dancing on the table. My GF had to wear the fluffy Christmas boxer all day, because she lost a game called Ligretto. Snacks, caipirinha's and the neighbors from downstairs also joined the party. Not like the 'Boom Boom' in Thailand, but just a random NYE party at someones home. For me it felt all good, to end with a different bang this year.
Oh, even when I accidentally called the emergency number (by pushing the wrong button on someone's iPhone 5 times), there were no cops banging on the door. Luckily my GF decided to move the loan car, because the neighbors across the street had a flare, that did not shoot up in the sky. It ended up underneath the car where I was initially parked and BANG! ...it exploded there. December ended all good this year. I hope their car has no serious damage.
