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Evana Johnson was so kind, but her worries were misplaced, Tanya felt. She didn’t really need help. She deserved everything she got from Frank. She had so many faults, after all!

The problems in their marriage couldn’t be Frank’s fault for certain. He was so nice and charming, winning over any new acquaintance into his enormous circle of friends. He was well-liked by his peers.

As was true with many of his friends, everyone knew that Frank could “lose it” when he’d had “one too many” - and had made it a bit of a joke. Some of them even made bets about who would be the one who would be driving him home each evening they spent at the bars.

Of course, this made it even harder to deal with Frank since he hated being the laughing stock of his friends. However, he didn’t do anything to make himself less ridiculous. If fact, sometimes, it seemed that he deliberately made it worse for himself – just so he could complain. That was easier than admitting that he drank too much – even when he had to be carried in by his friends and then slept most of the next day. Then, of course, Tanya got the blame when he finally came to; she was to blame for letting him waste all the daylight hours sleeping off his drunkenness.

The ringing telephone brought Tanya back to the present. She answered quickly, unsurprised to hear Frank’s voice at the other end. He would be late tonight as there was a Lodge meeting. She shouldn’t wait up for him or worry about saving dinner for him, he’d eat at the Lodge.

Tanya hung up knowing that his dinner would be a liquid one. Her next installment of torture would be delayed, but would likely be worse than usual – it always was when he had Lodge. Well, she wouldn’t worry about making anything nice – just as well as she wasn’t in the mood to fight the gas grill anyway.

Instead, she got out a box of macaroni and cheese for the girls. Tanya wasn’t hungry.

She looked out the window at the girls, still playing in their tipi. She wished they lived in the countryside where she could feel more secure with the idea of the girls sleeping outside – accompanied by the dog they didn’t have yet. Tanya had grown up in the country, accompanied by her husky mutt everywhere she went.

Chet had gone everywhere, even soothing her when a rare thunderstorm flashed through the Willamette Valley sky. His soothing was even more helpful when her mother shouted at her father after he’d lost his job. It wasn’t his fault that the company had tanked after one of the senior managers embezzled a large amount of money sending the company into bankruptcy. Tanya had promised she would never treat her husband like that!

She sighed and put a pot of water on the stove, turning it on to boil, mentally preparing an evening of fun for the girls. She looked forward to the day when these evenings would be pampering sessions instead of animated movies, children’s card games and storybooks.

As she sat at the table pretending to look at the newspaper, she wondered for the millionth time how things had turned out this way. Where had she gone wrong? She did her best with the tiny house. She was cleaner than her mother, but her house would never grace the front of a Beautiful Home magazine. She had long ago come to terms with the fact that she’d rather invest in the emotional well-being of her children than the time and energy necessary to have a perfect home. Frank, however, had been brought up in a military home with military precision in every aspect of their lives.

Although, only one of their three children had gone into the military themselves, the damage had been done. Except Tanya had no idea how deep the damage had been until she’d married Frank and suddenly, his expectations became ones of perfection… something she knew she could never be. Not that she hadn’t tried.

Tanya wiped her eyes again as she poured the macaroni into the boiling water. She turned down the heat and stirred the pasta to keep it from sticking, watching the foam as it neared the top of the pan.

In two weeks it would be Spring Break. She wanted to take the girls on Max light rail all the way to the Zoo. Maybe she’d take them to the Oregon Museum of Science and Industry down by the Willamette. Of course, there was the Oregon Rail Heritage Center as well where one of the steam locomotives was undergoing work at the moment in preparation for a season of excursions. She wished she had the money to take the girls on one of those! Tanya sighed again. She wanted to do these things with Frank! But he always managed to make family outings into family nightmares! She wished again that her father was still around. It would be good for the girls to see how a good man behaved. Frank was hardly a good example!

Tanya strained the water from the pasta, then stirred in the butter, milk and cheese powder. She almost made herself a plate as well, the comfort food beckoning as much as the carbs were beckoning to her waist.

No, she’d let the girls have what they wanted. If there were leftovers, then she’d eat, but otherwise, she could have a salad later if she felt hungry.

Tanya looked outside again and called the girls in for supper.

“I’ll read to you girls as you eat,” Tanya offered. “Skye, choose a book.”

The girl grinned and ran into the living room. She had been enthralled with myths and legends recently, but Tanya wondered which book she’d choose.

She came back with the Legend of the Phoenix. As dead as Tanya felt inside these days, she wondered at the selection. She couldn’t imagine rising up out of the ashes, couldn’t imagine having a future that wasn’t weighed down by Frank.

Tanya smiled and began reading a children’s version of the Greek tale.

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