Oh the ever elusive zzz's. At night I wan't nothing more than to lay my head down, and go to sleep. However, for some reason I find that I become anxious and fearful. It's not like I am afraid of the dark or anything like that. It's like I'm afraid of laying down upon my pillow only to stare into the empty blackness of the night. I have sleep apnea which means I have to wear this awful face-mask strapped to my head. It covers my nose and my mouth. It blows constant air into my nose to keep me from having an "event", which is a rather stressful way of saying that I stop breathing. So being strapped up to a machine that makes me look like an astronaut is actually saving my life.
Sleep Apnea is scary enough on it's own, without the claustrophobic mask I have to wear. Add to that the puffs of air that make their way past the mask and into my eyes. This drys out my eyes and feels terrible, so I wear a sleep mask along with my C-pap mask. This covers my eyes and keeps the air out of them solving the dry eye problem, but it only adds to the claustrophobia. My entire face is covered, my whole head is strapped in tight, I am connected to the machine with this long plastic tube. I used to lay on my side and snuggle with a wonderful body pillow but not anymore. I can't lay on my side anymore, no more snuggling with a pillow or my sexy Mr. Bob. I have to lay flat on my back and can't move unless I unplug myself from the machine.
Bed time should be a peaceful event, a time for letting go , a time for rest and renewal. For me this peaceful time only comes through enduring my fears, dealing with my phobias, and a little help from the doctor. Thankfully the peace does come and I can rest.
I'm going to get some ZZZZZZ's . Have a good night!
